I went down into my basement to do my laundry today and found my landlord going through some old boxes of stuff previous tenants had left behind. After I had put in my clothes I went over and talked to him for a few minutes, during which he asked me about a few of the items he had dug out.
Landlord:“Hey Chris, whats that bottle of green stuff”
*I looked at the bottle and found it was an aloe-vera gel with lidocaine in it.*
Me: “It numbs your skin while it moisturizes it”
Landlord: “Oh… is that something you’d use on an erection?”
Me: “…”
*What the hell?*
Landlord: “You know… to last longer”?
Me: “Um… I’m not letting that stuff anywhere near there.”
*Oh hell. I need a topic change fast.*
Landlord: “Oh, there used to be this guy I worked with… I forget what he used, but that stuff STUNG LIKE HELL let me tell you”.
*Searching for topic change. Looking around basement for inspiration.*
Me: “So, what are you going to do with those old textbooks?”
*Topic change initiated. Mission successful.*
I dont even want to think about where that conversation was going.