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Johnny Law has his eye on you

July 25th, 2003 by Biggles · No Comments

It’s been a while since we had a driving-related rant, so I figured we should all reconvene and compare notes. I’ve been taking summer classes to finish up my degree. Unfortunately, the campus is about a thirty mintue drive from home. Granted, most of it is Interstate: Ike really owned this part of Ohio, you can’t walk two feet without tripping on an on or off-ramp.

But that’s not the real issue. The real issue is the drive on said Interstate system. My particular branch is I-75, which runs from Northwest Ohio all the way down to hell itself, as far as I can tell. It’s a common fact that most people turn stupid once they get behind the wheel, but due to the proximity to the Michigan border, we get a lot of special retards on the road. Soccer moms in SUVs that drive with little acknowledgement that there are other people in these steel coffins hurling down the pavement. Old men in sports cars with all the fixins’ that noone else can afford, riding everyone’s ass no matter the situation. Semi-trucks. SO many semi-trucks. It’s like trying to drive through a series of moving brick walls.

We all learn to deal with stuff like that, though. It’s part of the American driving condition. Do your best, try not to do something too stupid, and fuck the other guy. This seems especially true in terms of velocity, since the term “speed limit” seems to be more of a guideline or advice than set rule for most. Passing on the right? No problem. That guy was only going 10 miles over the speed limit. Jesus! What could he be thinking?

But one thing has perpetually caught my eye, and hence spawned this little rant here in the first place: people who speed, but pretend not to. I have nothing against anyone who goes over every so often. Heck, I think everyone is a little guilty of it at some point, or consistently so. What really bugs me are people who go about 20 miles over, if not more, and then slow down to a crawl the minute they see a highway patrol car sitting nearby. Everyone they passed passes them, until the cop is out of sight, then they rocket forward again. NO progress is ever made.

What are they thinking? “Oh, look at me! I’m so sneaky! I can speed and go fastAr and I get away with it, even though I drop to 40 in fear the minute I see the fuzz come close.” Gah. That, and they usually pass people on the right to make up for lost time, which means they’re going even *faster* than before, and the cycle often repeats since this is a heavily patrolled section of the Interstate. Isn’t it better not to speed at all, or go just a little over and make better time? The cops barely blink when you go 10 over, even 15. But no, give it some more gas and talk on your cell phone. Pay no attention to the other drivers swerving out of your way. Come on down, we want to die! Idiots.

If you’re going to speed, do it in a car that’s worth it too. Rocketing past people in your Aztek is not impressive.

Got a driving pet peeve, or an aggrivating transit tale of woe? Share it here.

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