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Sunday I put some work into the new house. Found an old lawn mower in the back shed (looks like it had been clemified with chicken wire) started it up and mowed the front lawn. I was so proud of myself, not only did I get the lawn mower to start up but also I got a chance to mow the front lawn.

If I had to pick a moment of that day that kind of just killed the whole joy of owning a house that’d be the moment I took a shower in human feces. During my home inspection I was told the sewer has a lot of root penetration and that I should get it replaced soon. They said I had another year or so. I guess I didn’t believe them because for some reason I felt compelled to flush the toilet. It flushed. Wandered off. Came back in about 15 mins later and discovered something I had never noticed about the house. I had a small lake inside my own house. I was overjoyed, that second I decided to name it “Lake Motherfucker”.

Now Lake Motherfucker stretched from the bathroom to as far as the end of the hallway, where it drained down the “Furnace Grate Waterfalls” (hot tourist attraction, email tours@penismightier.com for a reservation). The Furnace Grate Waterfall empties down in the Grand basement canyon where it travels among pipes, wiring, and amazingly water seems to travel in any fucking direction it can find. It falls up, down, sideways, backwards, you name it.

So fuck, I guess they weren’t lying about that sewer. Time to get that shit replaced.