Last weekend I went to visit my sister and her husband in northern Wisconsin. They are currently residing in the thriving metropolis of Ashland. Well, it would be a metropolis if you counted all the deer running around the town right now, anyway.
My sister and her husband do not have internet access of any sort. This isn’t so much due to it not being available as much as them not being able to afford it on a student budget. So, you’d think with all this extra time they’d be involved in other activities, or even just TV watching right? Not in Ashland. There is only one TV station if you don’t have cable or dish, and its a fox affiliate. The antenna required to get that station clearly is quite imposing, and I felt like I would lose an eye if I looked at it for too long.
They are beginning to suffer withdrawal from their forced isolation. They ply me with questions about the outside as if they were in a prison and not a self imposed communications drought. So suddenly their leisure time activities have been restricted to studying, drinking and smoking. I tried to show them that if they gave up even one of those that they’d be able to afford cable and internet, but it was no good. So I made them a deal. If they can quit smoking by Christmas, then I’ll buy them a year of internet access. They’re going to start the week of thanksgiving.
I started to rethink my plan when we went out that evening though. Apparently my brother in law has a vicious jealous streak that can get him in trouble. All I can say is this: If you give the finger to a group of 300 pound guys that are flirting with your wife, ‘fuck off’ is not the right answer to give when they all come over to ‘discuss‘ it. I hate being the calm one in situations like that. Especially when I’ve been drinking myself. But I walked into the fray, introduced myself, and offered everyone in attendance a beer. Most took me up on it right away… but one of the guys decided to turn on me with the verbal insults and was amused for many seconds when I would say things like ‘Why would I want to do that, it seems like that would hurt’ and ‘No.. thats not my thing’.
We left that establishment soon after, with the wallet much lighter and everyone’s skin intact. It seemed like a good time to leave for some reason. I stopped to get some more cash and then walked to another bar where we spent the rest of the night. Anyway, I’m looking for people that have their own ‘narrow escape’ stories. Send them to me via email (clme AT penismightier.com) or in the forum.