Hypothetical Situation: You and a friend have gone to pick up his wife and two of her friends from a bar where they have all been celebrating. The two friends are so drunk they can barely complete sentences, and the conversations they try to have include many made up words and hilarious miscommunications that seem to get one of them upset. Unfortunately, when she gets upset she grabs your shoulder with her fingernails and hits you on the head with a sharp can opener. You tell her to stop this after it feels like she drew blood. Everything is going along fine after that until the woman with the can opener (a 40 year old with an OK body but not very attractive head) decides she wants to sit in the front seat, and picks your seat to sit in… with you in it of course. She had been described to you earlier in the evening as a ‘MILF’, but something about her just makes her unattractive to you. After several ‘seatbelt’ comments she decides that your arm across her busom will be the seatbelt, but keeps placing your hand over her nipples, which she seems to be encouraging you to explore. She gets upset when you fail to show interest in her despite the fact she smells very much of bar and is extremely intoxicated. Plus your head hurts. Then, a little later, she puts on a ratty white glove (that she jokes is ‘protection’) and moves your hand on top of her hand, which is then placed on top of her crotch. She asks why you’re not moving your hand with hers and helping her, to which you reply “Well, to tell the truth its really not doing a hell of a lot for me. Is it good for you?”. She yells out “Why not? Is it too wet and slimy for you?” An awkward silence follows. Finally the vehicle pulls into her driveway. You get out of the vehicle first to avoid injury. She takes half a step out of the vehicle and refuses to leave until someone does a Michael Jackson style grab of the crotch (complete with his trademark yell). Of course, her way of conveying this desire is to grab for your crotch with her gloved hand while screaming. You stop her advances a few times, and begin to wonder if this has gone from ‘amusing drunk story’ to self defense. Finally she manages to get her desire for the MJ imitation across, and for some reason you comply, which makes the neighbors upset since they are by this time watching through their windows. But still, you think you’re in the clear with your testicles uninjured and your pride only slightly damaged. The funny drunk lady turns around and begins to walk to her house. As you get into the vehicle you cant stop laughing. BUT THEN… she turns around again and jumps back to the car. She again says she wont leave, this time until she gets a kiss on the lips. She smells like bar, and she’s kind of been drooling. She’s standing so that you cant back the car up without hitting her with the open door. Suddenly you remember some other stories being told earlier in the evening about encounters in the bars, and you know that you’re not the only one she’s been to second base with that night… even if she did steal the bases. You were laughing up until this point, but you have to make a decision now. What do you do?
The MILF that wasn’t… or: Unintentionally Playing Hard to Get.
September 26th, 2005 by Clme · No Comments
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