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The candles were lit, some horrible mood music was playing on the stereo, and she had just finished powdering her nose and had come out looking radiant. Everything seemed ready to go for a thorough night of intimate squelching. The lotion had been warmed well above room temperature, and was carefully being rubbed onto a willing back. Muscles were being massaged and pleasant relaxed sounds were eminating from a mouth that would hopefully soon be saying very dirty things. As I worked my way down her back I noticed something that made me take pause… a small peice of excrement was still stuck between the two mounds of buttocks I had been about to playfully grab. Carefully considering my next moves I started to work my way back up her back. With a plan in place, I crept up near her ear and whispered a message. “Its time for a foot rub.” I had decided to distract from the issue by suggesting something that would normally be taken as a treat. Unfortunately in this case my distraction made the lady take offence. “Aren’t you going to finish rubbing lotion onto my legs and butt?” she said. “OK.” was all I could reply. I kept trying to avert my eyes from the unfortunate dangling particle, but it was as though it were calling out to me in pain, screaming “Help me! Take me to my porcelain home! I have no friends here!” I tried to finish quickly, but did not want to draw attention to my haste. Finally, with the task at hand complete, I rolled her over and started kissing her intimately. My tongue danced with hers, never quite entering her mouth beyond the teeth. Suddenly she broke the kiss and asked “Did you say something about a foot rub?” Suddenly inspiration hits. “Hey, I have an idea! Why dont we take a shower together instead! We can wash each others back and… you know…” She didn’t seem receptive to this idea though. “What, dont you want to rub my feet? Showering is for after we’ve made a mess.” The mood was suddenly tense. I was running a fine line and I knew it. Once again, all I could manage for a reply was “OK”. With her feet lotioned and my mind finally on more pleasant pursuits I pounced… only to be deflected from my mark with a phrase. A simple phrase that normally met with eager approval from my person… “Will you go down on me?” My mental processes suddenly came to a full stop. My mouth was sitting ajar, anticipating a response from my malfunctioning cerebral cortex. The moment of truth had come: “Um… I will, but first you have to go in and wipe.” For some reason, I had to spend the remainder of that night apologizing. Despite the years that have passed since this event, I have nightmares to this day.