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I’m a fan of making my morning routine shorter, since this allows me to sleep in as late as possible. Lately in my quest for a shorter routine I have tried to combine tasks to save time. For example, if I’m standing at the toilet voiding my bladder, why not be busy brushing my teeth at the same time? However, there has not been so much success in combining other tasks. I have assembled a short list here to help others avoid mistakes:

• Do not try to eat breakfast while showering… and as a side note, the oatmeal women use on their faces is different than the stuff with the quaker on the box.
• Shaving while masturbating can get dangerous if you do not have good hand-eye coordination.
• Combing your hair and washing your face at the same time may seem like a good idea, but in practice you’ll just end up hurting someone.
• Do not use q-tips in your ear while getting dressed… especially while putting on a shirt.

If I end up helping just one person avoid clogged drains, loss of hearing, or cutting themselves then this has all been worth it.