This post is courtesy of Onyx in the pen forum. It was taken without permission (or guilt).
So this weird thing happened to me at work today. I was heading to lunch, so I started up my mp3 player so I could groove out to some video game music as played on the piano. The main theme to the Legend of Zelda started playing, which is a totally cool song if you’ve ever heard it. So, I started grooving to it on the way to a coworker’s office. I walked in and told him I was going to lunch, but before I could ask him if he wanted to go too, he screamed out, “IT IS DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE! TAKE THIS!”. He lurched out his hand, which was holding the wiffle bat we use to play wiffle ball on nice days during lunch. I as all, “Dude, I’m not going to eat lunch in Compton”, but he just sat there and looked at me. I was already weirded out by the fact that he had grown a full beard since I saw him like half an hour ago, so I took the wiffle bat from him and walked out of his office. I decided to go pick up my direct deposit slip since I’d forgotten to last friday. When I walked into the HR lady’s office, I asked her for my paycheck. She screamed, “LET’S PLAY MONEY MAKING GAME!”. I was all, “Bitch, what do you think the last two weeks were?”, but like ZZTop in the other room, she refused to say anything more. She simply pointed to the desk, where there were three envelopes. By this point, I was through with playing games, so I grabbed all three. Suddenly, fireballs started shooting out of two light fixtures in the room. I ran out to relative safety, where I opened the envelopes to find 2 bills and my paycheck. I discarded the bills and started to head for the door when one of my co-workers came around the corner and started spitting rocks at me. A few of them hit me, and before I knew it I was feeling weak and this annoying beeping sound kept repeating over the intercom. I’d had enough of this silly shit by this point, so I whacked my coworker with the wiffle bat. He disappeared, and in his place a big valentine candy heart appeared. Well, I did what any hungry guy would do at this point: I ate it. Things were looking up. I had something in my stomach, the beeping noise stopped playing on the intercom, and the exit was just around the corner. I walked into the intersection of two halls, took a left, and found myself at the intersection again. I turned around, and there it was. I turned back and it was on the other side of me. I cautiously took another turn to find myself back at the intersection again. I tried to go back the way I came but I kept coming back to the intersection. I threw the wiffle bat down one side and it hit me in the back of the head. This shit was trippy, like some weird Escher painting come to life. I picked up the bat again and started running randomly in one direction, taking occasional turns. Before long I was tired and still hadn’t gotten anywhere. I was about to sit down when I remembered the great teachings of eod. I started running, pulled my emergency brake, and power-slid around a few corners and BAM! I was out of whatever demension I’d stumbled into. By this point I’d wasted too much of my lunch hour to go anywhere, so I decided to go into the break room to see if I could steal anything from the fridge. I walked in to find three leftover pieces of cheese pizza. My boss was sitting there doing nothing at all. I figured it was safe, so I went for the pizza, when he jumped in my way and told me the pizza was his. Furthermore, he informed me that my other boss was just his alter ego, and he was going to use the pizza slices to take over the world. I went to push him aside but suddenly the entire room went all dark. I stumbled around until I found and turned on the light switches in each corner of the room, and my boss appeared out of nowhere hurling a pitchfork at me and spitting fire everywhere. I was through with playing games, and I wanted that fucking pizza, so I opened the silverware drawer, grabbed a knife, and threw it at him. I must have thrown it really hard, though, because dude spun around like 10 times before he fell over. Famished, I went over to grab a slice of pizza. I picked it up, but was interrupted by this hot chick who appeared out of nowhere. She started babbling about how this pizza was the answer to all of my problems and I could use it to cure disease, end world hunger, bring peace to the world, blah blah blah, I didn’t really care until she said that I basically could have whatever I want. Lemme tell ya, that cold cheese pizza tasted even better after a blow job. Anywho, the day was pretty vanilla after that.