Alas, once again my plot to take over the world has failed, and I have Barbara Streisand to blame.
It all started about a month ago with the aquisition of a small group of islands (purchased cheap from a former .com CEO). They were located in an unfrequented area of the southern Atlantic ocean and were perfectly suited for my plans. With the help of the Russian-Hatmakers-Union-Liberation front, I was able to hollow out a small mountain on the largest of these islands, and within it I placed my center of operations.
I started almost immediately on my plans, which I had been slowly perfecting for months. It involved about 10,000 tons of wallpaper paste, 200,000 feet of concrete rebar, and a couple of blackmailed battlebot mechanics, just for starters.
With the assistance of the Battlebot mechanics, I used the concrete rebar to construct a rough frame of my creations. Then we hastily constructed a paper mill and fed in most of the virgin growth trees from the rainforest. After spending a few days tearing the resulting paper into long, thin strips, we were able to paper mache the frames.
After that the mechanics really went to work. Within a matter of days, they were able to transform the rough creations into monsters!
Yes! I had at my disposal 25 Paper-mache-animatronic-killing-machines!!
I nodded my approval and began my plans to invade the population centers of the industrial nations. I had my date planned: February 14th.
I had picked that day for two reasons:
1) Valentines day tends to make people oblivious of truly important things
2) Survivor would be on and would distract the remainder of my victims.
Yes only with the combination of these two events would I be able to invade an adequately distracted public and steal their life, liberty and property.
Unfortunately, Barbara Streisand stepped into the picture.
Yes, because I didn’t double check the TV listings, I proceeded with my plans unawares. I had my machines of destruction air lifted to the target areas and calmly gave the order to begin. With a smirk on my face that bespoke the joy I was feeling, I turned around and began scanning the sattelite feeds for news of my evil deeds.
Thats when I noticed something was awry. When I scanned past the channel that was supposed to be broadcasting Temptation Island, all I saw was a horrible she-devil crooning and hurting everybody’s ears. Frantically I scanned the rest of the channels, hoping that It was just some mistake on my part, that maybe, just maybe, I had picked the wrong channel.
Alas, it was not to be. Without the full distraction of the populace, my animatronic machines of death were useless.
Soon on every news channel there were pictures of my machines, being incapacitated by blindfolded children with sticks.
But wait! All hope was not lost! Upon the discovery that the large pinata-robots were not filled with goodies and ridilin-laced chocolates, the children began to riot! If only I had some way to direct that anger! To turn these spoiled urchins and whining preschoolers to my own ends.
Unfortunately, thats when the CIA black army helicoptors flew in and arrested me for stealing cable.
DAMN YOU BARBARA STRIESAND!!!!!