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I know many of us have republican friends or family members that we have been avoiding over the last few months. Now that the election is over its almost safe to come back out and speak with these people again. However, you will want to keep a few things in mind when the topic of the election inevitably comes up…

1) Do not try shock tactics in order to soften the blow.
Even though their party may have used these tactics in mailers and television, this really doesn’t help them feel better. For example: If you say that the Democratic party knocked down and anally raped the Republican party, that may change the topic off of politics but it will probably reinforce their delusions of a homosexual agenda.

2) Avoid talk of religion.
This is a good rule in any situation, but applies doubly around this election. Even when they come out and say that the new president will be secretly sworn in using a Koran instead of a Bible, just say “We’ll see what happens on inauguration day”. Its a much better method than getting into the battle over what religion he follows or trying to argue over why it matters. Nothing short of seeing the new president burn a Koran and personally shooting Osama Bin Laden will change their minds.

3) Sleep with their daughters.
Nothing makes people forget politics like hearing about how their innocent college aged daughter has been sleeping with a liberal. This tactic does not work as well with their sons though, since most Republicans keep a double standard about things like this. However, if their son is gay (and you are too) go for it… somehow the double standards cancel out.
Note: This is an exception to the ‘shock tactics’ rule above.
Note2: Not valid for your family members unless you’re in Alaska.

4) Avoid comparing Obama to Reagan.
It sounds crazy, but its come up… especially when someone mentions an Obama cult. Reagan may be dead but there are still congressmen lining up to suck his cock. He’s the golden calf of an entire generation of Republicans, and they feel that your idol is the false one. Remember: This is the party that held their parties presidential debates at the grave of Ronald Reagan after a choir sang “Why Should God Bless America”… there is no logic that can win if they can swallow all of that.

5) When discussing scandals, don’t lose your temper.
There are dozens of claims of democratic campaign finance scandals, citizenship scandals, and dirty advertising out there right now. Stay calm. No need to fall prey to baiting or name calling. If you don’t have a response, say as much and look the information up at the next opportunity. But also try to remember: Most radical right wing ‘news’ sites either don’t cite sources for their stories or take the sources completely out of context. NewsMax.com, VDARE, and Free Republic are examples of this in action. In return, do not send links to left wing stories that aren’t sourced to your conservative friends… there is no need to feed their belief in a liberal media bias.

6) Send me pictures of your Republican sister(s)
Yeah, I know about that camera you have hidden in the cold air return you dirty little monkey. I read about it on newsmax. They say you all do it. I want copies in jpg format.

Do you have your own tips for dealing with Republican acquaintances? Comment and let me know.