Or is that reposted more stories transcribed from email? Or more email transcribed from reposted stories? Ah forget it.
Imagine knowing as much about female anatomy as a 4th grader, but you have the body of a 17 year old. Would the internet help you any better than your dad’s old penthouse magazines?
A young man and woman were spending the night together for the first time. They had spent most of their time playing NASCAR racing games, and stayed up really late just chatting. After several hours of stimulating conversation, they decided to go to bed.
The young man mostly played the perfect gentleman and offered to sleep on the floor so that the young woman could have enough room on the bed, but she would have none of it. She asked him to get in bed with her, and they kissed each other and continued their conversation in whispers and innuendos.
Editors note: Even though they both had braces they didn’t get stuck together. Obviously they had good dentists.
Unfortunately, the progress was not going as fast as either of them wanted. They were both inexperienced and the conversation kept taking awkward turns. He would just randomly blurt out questions like “how big is your slit” and then ask her to measure it. She would start to talk about things she wanted to do, but then start telling a story about her mother.
Overall the distractions were more sad then offensive. She could she could tell he just didn’t have a lot of experience with what was appropriate subject matter and figured girls would worry about sizes
and dimensions in the same way that some guys do. He could tell that she was nervous as hell, and her mind was wandering. Even though she had initiated the intimate contact he was afraid that she was going to back out at this crucial moment.
After a few suggestions of actions that could help ease her mind and get her ‘more into the mood’ were brushed aside, he reached underneath the bed and offered her something…
He offered her an old sock that he had been collecting his semen on for quite some time. He figured that this crusty, crunchy, disgusting rag would contain pheromones that would help turn her on so she would get wet faster.
As you can imagine, she politely turned down the offer and changed the topic to something less crunchy. No one got laid that night.
I guess that somehow being chloroformed with a jizzrag was supposed to be the sexiest thing alive. Now, I’m speculating here… but I have to think that he probably used it for that purpose himself.
Heh. I should try “How big is your slit” at the bar and see where that gets me.