Over the last few weeks I’ve been seeing all sorts of video footage of the effects of “Cash for Clunkers” throughout the country.
But nowhere has it made more of a difference than in the lives of creepy child molesters. See, Clash for Clunkers allows them to trade in their 15 year old panel van in favor of something a bit younger, just they way they like it.
The new vehicle of choice? The 2009 Chrysler PT Cruiser. In fact, they can order it with heavily tinted windows and a TV in the back for the kids! The modern child-seat mounts are a great place to secure handcuffs or baling twine as well!
Now, it is true that they may not be able to keep their victims locked up face down in the shag carpet anymore, but damnit, they still have all sorts of fuel-efficient cargo space to work with! Plus, no more straining to lift those 50 pound loads up above their waist while trying to keep the sliding door from closing on their arms. Now, they simply trip the hapless victim into the back and slam the well balanced door shut, letting the child-safety locks do the rest of their work for them.
Throw in sweet aftermarket features such as remote start, and now the molester on-the-job can periodically run the air conditioning or crack the windows! Whether working at the toll-booth, video store, or airport parking security, rest assured that no more will your laced chocolate bunnies melt into the seats!
Yes thats right, the 2009 P.T. Cruiser: Molesters welcome!