Yesterday I was drinking a pitcher of rum and coke with friends when a drunk woman approached us. I say she was drunk mostly because she approached us, and my friends tend to only attract drunk women.
Anyway, she approached us and asked quite loudly (to no one in particular) “Hey, how the fuck do you get rid of the hiccups?”
She then proceeded to lean on the table and stare at the center of it, as if daring it not to answer her. As it turns out she was, in fact, hiccuping.
My friends tried to be helpful, but things like “Drink water,” “Hold your breath,” or “take an antacid” were met with derision and she began to look at us in turn, hoping for a better answer.
When her eyes met mine I decided to try scaring her hiccups away. I tilted my head a little to one side and said “Did you know you were pregnant?”
She gasped and jumped back.
Her hiccups were cured, but I was cut off. Assholes.