Last week I stopped to visit an older relative of mine, and soon found myself making small talk in his living room.
him: I had to ask my daughter to leave. She wasn’t helping around the house, I couldn’t afford to keep paying her insurance, and she’s had two years to find a job.
me: Yeah? How are her kids doing.
him: Oh, fine fine. The problem I’m having is that she left some of her stuff behind. I’m thinking of burning it.
me: Burning it? What did she leave behind?
him: Well, its in the freezer out on the porch.
him: She finally found a doctor that would cut off her breasts, and she’s storing one of them in the freezer. She’s been mailing them around the country trying to find a doctor that will prove she had cancer.
me: One? Where is the other one?
him: It never made it back from a clinic in California. Supposedly lost in the mail.
me: Well, instead of burning it you could send it to a taxidermist and then mail it back to her.
him: What was that?
me: Boy how about that NASCAR? Did you see what Gordon did to Earnhart?
him: No… what did he do?
me: Oh, you had to be there. Also, I was just changing the subject.
him: That fucking Biffle though, let me tell you…