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Most of the time when I think of sex in the Victorian era (or several generations earlier) I think of stuffy people that only had sex in the dark, or classy prostitutes that had boring sex and gave their change in syphilis.

Of course, logically I know this couldn’t be the case… people are, in addition to being sick and horrible creatures that will always find new and different ways to get off, only human. Plus, anyone who has ever been 12 years old has more imagination about sex than the average Jane Austin novel would lead us to believe.

But I digress. I stayed home from work recently and spent quite a bit of time hopping through the internet in a way I haven’t done in quite some time. While reading about James Joyce and Finnegan’s Wake (which I still have very little desire to read) I happened upon a reference to love letters that the author and his lover had written to each other. Apparently only Joyce’s letters remain, though his lovers letters were apparently even more graphic and descriptive.

Below the cut, an excerpt of the Joyce letters.

Joyce’s estate has managed to keep the letters from being published since 1970, but there are many excerpts available online. The most complete collection I’ve found is HERE.

As for graphic descriptions, it beats the hell out of anything the era of instant messaging has given us. Although I have to admit some of the lines kind of make me queasy.

Here is just an example:

My sweet little whorish Nora I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter.

I am delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside.

You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her.

I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.

So I thought I had a quest: Pornographic love letters throughout history! Then one of our faithful forum members linked me to this. I made it through about a third of the book before I gave up and began to weep for mankind. Then I used to tears to lubricate my self abuse.

I suddenly want to grudge-fuck the whole of humanity.