I'm so tired I can't even move. But I have to unwind before I go to sleep.

I went shopping today with my sister and a friend. For some reason, I felt vaguely left out. I walk a little a slow sometimes, and they kept marching a few feet ahead of me while my weak legs dragged on behind them. Sometimes I feel ill at ease around him even when my sister's not with us, because he has this...way about him that drives me nuts. He always thinks I'm being sarcastic, and I'm rarely sarcastic, especially around him. For instance, he will crack a joke, and I'll laugh, and if my laughs sounds insincere, he'll mock my laugh and make me feel mean. I hate that. But when I protest that I wasn't being sarcastic, he impatiently brushes me off, like he's over it and I'm making too much of it. Damn, that annoys me.

So, shopping. All we found was something for J-- A Mandy Moore calendar as a joke, since he thinks she's so hot-- and a $5 faux snakeskin wallet for me at Wet Seal. I was hyper-aware of my body the whole time--I think I looked at every reflective surface available. I didn't look fat or feel fat, but I kept *thinking* about how I could be thinner, what size I wanted to fit into, what would happen if I gave into something fattening at The Cheesecake Factory at the day's end. To make matters worse, we got into a discussion about my weight over dinner, and he (my friend) said, "You're not gonna get anywhere by riding your exercise bike. That's not how you lose weight."

Ugh. First of all, I detest being lectured on a subject I have AMPLE knowledge on, especially by a person who really doesn't know what the hell he's talking about, but I was diplomatic, polite, and indulged him. I know, fully well, that aerobic (the bike riding) as well as anaerobic (strength-training), exercise are important to weight loss and a toned body. I know this. I've read books, magazine articles, journal articles, internet articles. I've taken a Nautilus class back in community college. And I know how important strength training is-- I own a bench and free weights and I know many routines thanks to S, who used to be a gymnast. But whatever. He had no clue what aerobic vs. anaerobic meant, and insisted that he just weight-trained and lost weight and built muscle. I said, "That's great, but even when I start weight training again, I still have to do some aerobic exercise for my heart" and he laughed at me and said that I didn't know what I was talking about.

You know, I don't mind being wrong. In fact, I'm wrong 95% of the time, I think. But he gets so annoying when he thinks I'm wrong. He's only 19, and I'm 25, so I'll let it go, but I can still bitch here and get away with it.

My parents gave me my Hanukkah gift--the latest version of Don't Go To The Cosmetics Counter Without Me book. It wasn't a surprise, since I told them to get it for me, but I was happy nonetheless. I love reading about the evils of the beauty world, almost as much as I love reading about the evils of the diet world.

Ok, I'm tired as hell. Someone e-mail me one these days.