My mom whines. She's a cross between Edith Bunker, Mrs. Costanza, and Peggy Bundy.

My mom will whine, holler, pout, and sulk her way through an argument with my dad, and it drives me nuts. I now know the real reason kids need to move out and be on their own-- and it has nothing to do with independence, repsonsibility, or the need for privacy. It's because after the age of 18 or so, you start to realize how annoying and ignorant your parents really are. I'm serious. Fuck moving out because I'm adult. I need to move out because I can't live in a place where my mom whines in the adjoining room.

I think it has something to do with the fact that she can't drive. Her eyesight is weak, so she was never able to pass the driver's exam, so she's been dependent on my dad (and me and my sister and her friends) for rides her whole life. Before my sister and I were old enough to drive, years ago, christ--the fights that would ensue in my house. Every Sunday my mom wanted to go out, and my dad wanted to stay home and watch TV or sleep. Most of the time, he gave in to her. But the 1 out of 10 times he would refuse, she would whine her head off. She would shout, cry, and make him feel guilty. Unbeknownst to her, I built a resentment toward my mom, hating her for being such a loud, abrasive bitch. Don't get me wrong--my dad did his share of yelling too, and he was far from perfect. The difference between them was, my dad didn't push, whine, or nag. He didn't have to. When he was pissed off, he jumped into the car and left. Good for him. I would've left her too. She could drive anyone crazy.

We've had family therapy, and these subjects have come up, here and there. Unfortunetly, one of the things that sucked about therapy was that I felt extremely limited in that small room with the four of us. To our pyschologist, most of my irritations with my mom just weren't valid. Almost everything I said was written off as, "She pays your bills. You live in her house" while my mom would nod smugly. In other words, shut your mouth and keep your opinions to yourself until you're out of the house. Yeah, repression is always a healthy alternative to venting.

I was sorry that the pyschologist never called my mom on what she was--a pathetic, know-it-all whiner. A person convinced she's right 100% of the time, a person who is catered to by her husband, a person who doesn't believe change is possible for her because of her age.

Interesting, isn't it, how parents send you to college, and then resent your college education. I don't mean my mom realizes she resents my education, but when we argue, she uses base, low-class arguing tactics with me, and I use pure reason and logic, and she doesn't know how to deal with me. But what do you expect from a mother who still uses the phrases like "because I said so"? Or, "talk to your father"?

I don't think she's always been this way. She cries much more than she used to--at any hint of a personal attack (she once started crying because I called her Weight Watchers meetings stupid), she starts getting choked up. When we talked about this in therapy, she attributed it to menopause. Now, my mom has literally been going through menopause for ten years. I've read one book on menopause, and I know it can affect a woman's hormones greatly, but I doubt menopause has been the cause of her behavior for the last ten years, and even if it was-- not all women over 50 turn into whiny bitches.

What bothers me most about her is that I whine too. I notice it in arguments with S, I notice it when I stop talking to him and pout and sulk until he comes around and apologizes. Thank god S is not like my dad, and does not cater to me. He does not apologize to shut me up or smooth things over--ever. Usually, I end up apologizing to him for being so bitchy. I still have a lot of learning to do when it comes to arguing and handling stress, and I still have to work on my whining. But most of all, I have to learn one of the most important arguing lessons of all-- when to stay out of your parent's arguments.