Comfortable With Conformity

My mom went to the doctor this morning and still has hypertension, so they put her on even stronger medicine for her blood pressure, plus she's taking additional pills to ward off a stroke. Ugh. Scary stuff. She's near 60, but looks and acts much younger, so this is just weird for me, but I don't think she's as wound up as yesterday, thank god. I harldy slept last night from worry.

I can't get over how fucking COLD it is here. My hands are icy cold and my hair is slick straight from the lack of humidity. I've always loved this brisk weather, which is so rare in Miami, but enough is enough. I have never wanted to go to the beach so badly. I've been dreaming of buying a new bathing suit and laying out by the pool for hours, listening to the old men play golf over the fence, reading Don't Sweat The Small Stuff. Whenever I sunbathe, I always feel slightly uneasy, reminding myself how harmful rays are penetrating my extremely pale skin, possibly giving me skin cancer, or at the very least, premature aging. Ugh. I'm such a fucking basketcase. Most people scoff off skin cancer, but I slather on SPF 30 and re-apply every half hour. Who, me? A worrywart?

In other news...I've been getting these weird bouts of anxiety, especially when I'm with S. It's like, the second I slide into the passenger seat of his car, I feel instantly depressed. I can't say if it has anything to do with him, but it just comes on very strong and very nagging, and it's hard for me to tell if the depression is real, if it has anything to do with him, or if it's just a sign of my impending PMS. Girls and their silly, unpredictable hormones.

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