I think I need to, ah..."shift my paradigm". Or whatever the hell that means.

My friends suck big cock. Literally. The only people in my life that give me an ounce of consideration are S, Tracie, and my family. AND THAT'S IT. I think I need to stop expecting so much out of my friends-- period. I need to stop living this junior high lifestyle of feeling bad when I'm not invited somewhere, feeling bad when I'm not included or informed of this new intricacy of sexual escapades within our group of friends. But quite frankly, it makes me sick. Fucking sick.

My sister just got off the phone with j, and j informed her that the reason she didn't call us to go out the other night was because she had invited some people she met over the internet to come along, because she and her boyfriend like to SWING.

Am I just a conservative asshole prude bitch or what? This stuff annoys me. It annoys me because I keep finding out by chance through someone else, it annoys me because all this sexual stuff just strikes me as...deviant. I realize the close-mindedness of what I'm saying, but it's how I feel. Sexually weird and deviant. I'm trying so hard to cope with my feelings, trying to pinpoint why their life bothers me. Maybe we're all going off in different directions...or maybe they're all going off in one direction, and I'm the one going in a different one. Whatever the case is, I'm feeling very left out-- and my sister thinks I'm being a total bitch about it.