January 9, 2001

I admit it. I want my life to be a Friends episode.

But they would have to be the older seasons, of course, when Chandler was still attractive, Monica was bearable, and Rachel was cute and still a waitress.

I want the huge, Ikea-furnished New York City apartment, the stressless, 9-5 office job, the DKNY wardrobe. Not that I...uh...care about trivial, materialistic stuff like that (--she types, as she adjusts her Ralph Lauren bra).

S is planning to get his own residence soon, either a condo, house, or townhome. I have to admit...I keep referring to it as "our place", and then quickly correct myself before he notices. I say how will "we" decorate it, where "we" will live, etc. I don't intend to live with S, at least not for a long while. First of all, I barely have an income, and I'm not about sponge off my man. Not that the idea isn't tempting...but no, it's not me, and it's not him. Secondly, years ago, S said what a poor idea it would be for us to live together, considering I've never lived on my own before. He didn't think I should go straight from my parent's house to being co-dependent on him, but rather live alone or with a roommate first, then move in together.

At first I kind of echoed his thoughts on the matter, not really seeing the significance of what he was saying. But then I see my friend Samantha, who went straight from living with her mom to living with her fiancee. There's just something missing there...the need for a independent life, taking care of everything herself, having a place she could truly call her place, with her stuff, inviting whomever over she wants without consulting anyone. I don't think her boyfriend controls her life persay, but the place *feels* more like his than her's. I'm finding it very hard to articulate this...I just know I will need to live by myself or with a roommate before cohabitating. God forbid S and I get into a fight and live under the same roof...I'm not ready for that.

It just seems like people make some fucked up decisions these days. People just blow my mind. Boom! We're in love. Boom! We're getting married. Boom! I'm pregnant. Boom! I got ya girlfriend (Ok, just had to add that song in there).