January 18, 2001

If I don't get a job/internship/something soon, I think I'm gonna get all depressed again.

Like practically everyone I know online, I used to take anti-depressants for clinical depression. It's not something I talk about or "brag" about like some people do who feel the need for attention, because it's not something I found pleasant at all. Anyway, I had, what's called OCD-- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which meant I thought non-stop about the same thing, which drove me nuts. The "thing" I obsessed about was death, and the imminece of dying, and it totally incapacitated me for several months, until I finally got therapy and went on Paxil.

After about six months, I got off the medicine. Getting off Paxil was harsh-- I had never experienced true drug withdrawal, nor did I anticipate how dreadful withdrawal could be. I felt dizzy, nauseous, and generally horrible. The doctor ended up putting me back on the medicine at a lower dose, and to make a long story short, I finally got off it and felt fine.

I bring all this up because I've been feeling these weird, should I say, pangs of depression every now and then. I'm not fixiating on anything, I'm just bored--which is why I need a job.