Comfortable With Conformity

January 31, 2001

PMS is funny in a not-so-funny way. I don't know about all you other girls out there, but PMS makes me angry at people.

I was just thinking about last night, after dinner, when S popped open his trunk to get something, and everyone noticed a 25 pound free weight sitting there. I explained it was mine, S bought it for me, but I wasn't strong enough to use it yet, so it was still sitting in his trunk. Mark smirked and picked it up, effortlessly, claiming it wasn't heavy and that I was a wuss. Ya know...I'm sorry, but boys always fucking do that. A TWENTY-FIVE POUND FREE WEIGHT IS HEAVY FOR MOST GIRLS, GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. Mark is the same guy who gave me a hard time in The Cheesecake Factory for "just riding my exericise bike" instead of running like him. The thing is, he truly is a nice, honest, well-intentioned guy, but he has this tendency to run his mouth when he doesn't know what he's talking about. Fuck, I think that is one of my ultimate pet peeves. Anyway.

After he made fun of me, he proceeded to grab one of my arms, and Samantha snatched the other to feel my triceps, and they both made fun of my flabby arms. There's only so much good-natured making-fun of I can handle, so I just kept my mouth shut. I work my ass off working out, everyday, excuse me if I'm not one-hundred percent perfect yet. Excuse me if my arms aren't perfectly sculpted yet. Ugh. People are so fucking insensitive. Sometimes the words that come out of their mouths...astound me. But I know, I know, I KNOW, I'm being overly-sensitive right now, and that's why I'm writing about it here, and not bitching about it to them.

God forbid I actually tell them how I feel...I'm dubbed "sensitive, bitchy, easily-irritated, high-maintenance ", you name it. Actually saying, "Hey, that hurts my feelings" is like waving a red flag around people sometimes--no one likes to hear that, everyone wants to believe they're nice all the time, and if they unintentionally hurt your feelings, it's only because you're over-sensitive, not because they were being thoughtless. Sheesh.

I'm just not feeling so well today.

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