Comfortable With Conformity

January 31, 2001

I said before that I don't deal well with sickness, right?

Last night, as I got into bed, I noticed the gland below my chin, on my neck but above my throat, was swollen and a little painful. I was slightly alarmed, but I went to bed. I woke up several times, sliding my hand over my neck to see if the lump was still there. Yep, still there. It hurt. I had to sleep on my side to avoid feeling it. I couldn't put my head all the back, or all the way forward without feeling it. My overactive brain had nightmares about the lump, about waking up and going to the doctor. When I finally woke up, the lump was still there, and it hurt more than ever. The second I told my dad about it, I started crying, which isn't atypical of my personality. I wasn't crying because it hurt, but because I had no idea what it was, what caused it, or what it would possibly lead to. He immediately made me a doctor's appointment at noon.

My doctor said Mylanta. Hehe. I can still joke when I'm afraid of imminent death. He said it wasn't a food allergy like my parents suspected, but swollen lymph nodes, caused by something unknown. I'm to take Tylenol and "see what happens". He's sure it will go away by itself, but if it gets worse, he'll prescribe me antibiotics.

I cancelled work today, and I'm not planning on going to school tonight. God, I'm gonna be bored silly. I don't even think I'm gonna work out, I just don't feel "healthy".

And I'm still waiting to hear from the job. If they don't call by Friday, I'm really gonna feel bad.

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