February 1, 2001

I've been crying an awful lot lately, mostly to S. I just got off the phone with him, complaining about not hearing from the job yet. He pointed out that my "loser friends" (as I aptly named them) all have jobs that don't require intelligence, as the jobs I'm applying for are, so that's why it's so easy for everyone else to snap up a job while I'm on interview #361, not getting call-backs.

Heh. That sounded so fucking snotty, "jobs that don't require intelligence", as if I'm so *above* everyone. He meant that most of my friends didn't finish college and aren't in professional-type positions.

For instance, I'm sure if I wanted to snap up some nowhere, full-time manager-of-The-Gap type job (like Vickie on Reality Bites, one of my favorite movies), I'd already be employed. I almost had a Vickie/Lelaina moment when Mark urged that I "come work at the hospital" with him and Samantha and Nick. I'll set up the scene:

In Reality Bites, Lelaina is upset because she's been fired from her paid internship as a TV talk show script-writer, and Vickie, who's the manager of The Gap, immediately offers Lelaina a $5/hour, part-time position as a salesperson. As Lelaina wavers about the offer, Vickie insists she take it, and Lelaina bursts out, "For chrissake, Vickie! I'm not gonna work at The Gap!" Offended, Vickie makes a hurt remark and goes off to her room.

Well, nothing that dramatic happened to me, but when Mark insisted I go work at the hospital as a secretary or receptionist, I said, very calmly, "Look--I didn't go to college so I could get a no-future job typing."

In Mark's defense, he thought I needed to earn a lot of money fast to move out, but I'm not in that position. I don't love living at home, but I'd much rather keep looking for a low-paying, entry-level postion in a career I want to move up in. Sure, I could get a full-time job doing bullshit to make some money, and continue to job-hunt for what I really want, but I've been down that road, and I'm not in dire need of money to devote energy to jobs that mean nothing. I'm not an abused daughter, I'm not a welfare mama, I'm not living in my own place with no income. Those bullshit, energy-sucking, customer-service oriented jobs are fine for high school kids trying to make some spending money, but I'm too old and too cynical to deal with them anymore. When I was in high school, I loved my part-time gigs, but that was then and this is now, and now equals 100 resume-submittals and one interview.

Enjoy high school.