June 6th

Wednesday

Revised since 8:40 pm.

Let's tune in for some more quality talking about me again.

In a few weeks I think I can slink back into my size 4s, and hopefully will have a job, or at least a damn good interview by then. I am really, really, being aggressive, calling places to make sure they received my resume, getting names of people in the human resources department. And I haven't had a candy bar in a week.

I really, really want to go back to the hospital. I want to see what I was actually in, see the patients with a clear head, see the nurses while sane. I don't know, I feel I need the closure. I was so completely out of my fucking mind those three days, unable to tell imagination from reality, that I feel I need to go back there, just to remind myself that the whole hospital experience was real, and not some nightmare.

I started shaving my pubic hair. I did before, but I did it very timidly, and I avoided the patch right over the clitoris. I was always afraid to shave straight down, because I feared the razor would get caught on the tuft of hair and hurt. Silly me. I thought that for years. No-- decades. When I got out of the hospital, I very casually shaved all my pubic hair, and it was totally painless. Maybe once or twice I felt a little twinge, but it was nothing like I imagined. So, it's all gone except for some stubble around the labia, which is very hard to shave off, so I won't push it.

Health Goals For June: Drink 8 glasses of water a day, no soda!! No carbonation, period. Keep up the Tae Bo and the weights. No candy bars. No going-out-to-eat fattening meals or desserts. July will be a sweet, sweet month.