June 9th

Saturday

I've been so good I could smack myself.

8 glasses of water a day, only juice as another beverage, no soda, no junk food, exercise everyday, no excuses.

I actually don't feel fat anymore, even when I tried on my Old Navy Rachel-esque (Friends) tight dark blue jeans and they didn't zip up. Excercise is amazing-- it actually makes you feel thin, even when you're the exact same weight as before.

Anyway, last night, over dinner with Samantha and Nick, I had a revelation. The flashbacks I was having about being raped as a little girl seemed to more as flashbacks about being examined in the hospital. I think-- and I'm really not sure about this-- but I think I had a pelvic exam, possibly a pap smear, while I was in the hospital. The reason I think this is because of the intense pain I was in around my vagina and stomach area, the blood that was on the back of my thigh, and the new "openness" of my vagina. Weird, I know, but I'm going to ask my pyschiatrist when I see him on the 14th to confirm this. I hope, if they did anything, he tells me.