June 10th

Sunday Night

I am so bored. One of the chapters in Don't Sweat The Small Stuff is "Allow Yourself To Be Bored". You're supposed to practice being bored for a hour and you're supposed to get this feeling of inner peace. I'm sure it's true, but I'm so wired on caffeine right now I literally can't sit still and be bored right now.

I'm feeling a little sad about S. I don't like being in this in-between stage, although the alternative is to give him up altogether. I think I depend on having a boyfriend in my life at all times to give me some stability. Life is lonely without a significant other, it really is. I am beginning to appreciate that now. I used to envy single girls who still got to flirt and date and have all those exciting firsts, like first kisses and dates, but now I see that nothing beats comfort and stability. I mean, think about it-- S and I haven't had sex yet. We've got years of excitement ahead of us, and I plan to have some pretty wild sex. I think I've earned it.

I might work at the hospital where Nick, Samantha and mark work. There's an opening for a writer in their marketing and planning department, so I sent a resume last week and am going to charge in there tommorow, uninvited, to see what's up. No more sitting around, waiting for phone calls or e-mails. People don't call back, and when they do it could be months down the road. Now that I don't have school anymore (I can't believe I'm a college graduate), I absolutely need a normal, 40 hour work week to help alleviate this boredom and restlessness I have. I need a life.