June 16th

Saturday

Being a kindler, gentler me is difficult. I constantly have the natural inclination to snap at someone, interupt someone when they're talking, and basically rush things. I am a very highly agitated person, and I hate it. I want to be a warm, nice, comfy person, the kind of person who has her own fashion sense that some may seem a little bizarre to others, the kind of person who drinks herbal tea and can hold impossible yoga positions. Part Phoebe and part Rachel; a spirutually englightened person with really good fashion sense.

I'm taking my Don't the Small Stuff book very seriously. I even typed out some of the chapter titles and taped them to the inside of my desk cabinet. Yes, I feel a little kooky doing it-- much like S's mother who lives and breathes self-help books. Anyhow, the one I'm working on this week is, Don't Interupt Others or Finish Their Sentences. I love this one because it's so challenging. When you really pay attention to conversation going on around you, you notice that people don't take turns talking, but take turns interupting each other. People trample over each other's sentences and make each other feel rushed. However, when you make the conscious effort to slow down and let the other person talk, you'll notice that they'll take a cue from you and slow down as well. It's really quite fascinating to be able to manipulate people like that.

This morning, my sister tested my patience. I was doing well all morning, when she asked me if I put any of her panties in my laundry. My sister, though I love her dearly, has the habit of asking others to do things for her-- a lot. Now, I know I can't change her, but I'm not sure how to react to this behavior. I'm not her slave. When I do my laundry, I don't think of her laundry. So, she got a bit pissed off and sarcastically thanked me for not washing her panties. I shrugged and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't." What could I do? Usually I would snap back, "It was my laundry, why the hell should I do yours?! What do you ever do for me?!" So, I was proud of myself for not letting the situation get out of control. I'm angry that she naturally expects me (and everyone else) to do things for her, but I can't let her behavior ruin my day. Before the panty incident, she'd asked where a paper with important information was, and I didn't know. I thought she was going to snap,"Where did you put it?!" (She instantly blames someone else when she can't find something immediately, rather than blaming herself for being sloppy and losing it), but she found it. She definelty makes it hard to be kind.