June 18th

Monday

I need something to do!!!

I am so bored. There's only so much tanning, exercising and shopping one can do. I was planning on volunteering in the pysch ward, but when I went back there last week, I was totally freaked out. The smell was retched and too familiar, and the entire place just brought back eerie memories. Still, talking to the patients was very gratifying. They seemed SO happy to see me, even though I was a complete stranger to them. They were just happy to see a happy person, because most of the nurses and attendants there are bitchy and not friendly. So, I'm wavering. It definitely is something to do, and it would be very gratifying, but I don't know I'm ready to subject myself back to that place. The last thing I want to do is give myself another panic attack.

I got my hair trimmed today. I was half-considering chopping a lot of it off, thanks to a chat with Tracie last night. Her hair is short, and she looks like me, and she looks cute, so it would only stand to reason that I would look cute with short hair. However, I've had long hair ever since I was ten, and everyone says my hair is pretty and short hair doesn't suit me, and besides-- it might cause too much attention to my oval face and less-than-perfect teeth. So, just an inch came off. Nothing drastic. I did buy some auburn temporary dye. I feel like I need change. Hair change, a job, just newness. I think this is all part of the after-mental-hospital experience. I wonder how long this is going to last.