June 21st

Thursday

I took a test this morning with that bitch teacher of mine. I need to pass this test to graduate. I think I did ok, definitely not great. What a retched class that was, I'm sorry I ever took it. I hope she takes her teacher evaluations very seriously, because I wrote a novel.

This is a slow, slow day. I was supposed to go to Lindamood-Bell for an interview as a tutor, but I called and it turns out they're not having an open house like they originally said. So, I look forward to a day of sitting on my ass.

The other day, my mom actually said to me, "You're very calm." I said, "Thanks for noticing." It was nice for my new calmness to be acknoweledged. My sister, though, hasn't noticed it, I don't think. Yesterday she asked me something, I answered, and she snapped some sarcastic comment back. I sighed and groaned at her, to which she said, "Why are you so irritable?" Instead of arguing, I used a diffusing tactic and said, "Maybe I am irritable. I don't know why." She seemed taken aback and shut up, so it worked. Trying not to be defensive is hard work. Even when I feel defensive, I suck it up and cross my fingers tightly, waiting for it to pass. It usually works.

What I really need is alone time. I have to grab at any alone I can get in this house. I enjoy listening to my weird music, lighting my candles, and going on-line or stretching by myself. The good feeling is always diluted when my sister is in the same room, watching TRL or chatting with her boyfriend on the phone. I can block it out somewhat, but not all the way. Patience is one of my severe downfalls.