Comfortable With Conformity

July 16th

I woke up this morning to find no bagels and no cereal, so I was annoyed. Not greatly annoyed, but mildly annoyed. I've learned to keep perspective. I made two crummy pieces of toast with fat free cream cheese and gulped down a 30 mg of Paxil.

Speaking of "my meds"...something Tina said kinda pissed me off, about how all her online friends journalize about their medication. It didn't piss me off too much, just mildly. I know where she's coming from. I just want to clarify that I don't feel cool being on anti-anxiety medication. It's fucking expensive, and my parents can't afford it. Luckily the doctor gives us as many free samples as he can. The Paxils are $3 a pop, the Zyprexas are $5 a pop. Visits to the pyschiatrist are more than $200, visits to the pyschotherapist are about $100. It's expensive being a nutcase-- it's not cool.

I've been so lazy. I think-- no, I know-- it's due to being on Excedrin again. I know, I know, I know. I know it's terrible, surging concentrated caffeine into my bloodstream, making me high and making me crash. I went off it for a long, long time, then, when I got sick, I started getting migraines, and Excedrin is the only thing that makes them go away. So I pop two extra-strength Excedrins in the morning, after the Paxil, because I wake up each morning feeling like I have a hangover, which is from taking the Excedrin. It's a cycle. If you haven't already, DO NOT take Excedrin. It's wickedly addictive.

Anyway, I'm going to try to make the most of this day, starting by cleaning the bedroom and bathroom. Please please please let me get the job tommorow. I need a life.

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