July 29th

Sunday afternoon

I got a call from the Literacy Foundation about my inquiry to volunteer to teach adults to read. I need SOMETHING to do, it's ridiculous. I'm offering my services for free. So I might do this, but I have to get fingerprinted and whatnot first. And I just spilled Diet Coke down my white tank top just now.

So, what is that I really want? I want to be busy. I'm convinced that busy people are happy. When you have little time to sit around, you don't have time to be depressed. Maybe this isn't true for everyone...I don't know. But I know that when I have important things to do everyday, I might feel tired and overwhelmed, but I rarely feel bored or depressed. I think boredom is the worst feeling, next to breaking up.

I'm doing Tarot cards. I find them fascinating. I'm trying to memorize the meaning of each card, but there's like 60 cards in the deck. I want to be like Miss Cleo. I'm practically an atheist and very skeptical, but for some reason I totally believe in Tarot and Quija and all that pyschic stuff. I think I believe it because it's fun. Years ago, on a dark and stormy night, I had a terrfiying Quija experience which solidified my belief in the Quija board completely. We asked it a bunch of questions, and the thing actually moved and answered and like-- shit, I almost cried during the whole thing. I have never done Quija since, but I want to get one of those new glow-in-the-dark boards they sell.

I've sorta left yoga behind. I'm hoping to get back into it, but the truth is, yoga is not going to help me lose weight. Maybe in the long run it will, but now it just relaxes me and helps me stretch. And the truth is, there's only so much I can do. I started doing 45 minutes on the bike again, am trying to jog again, plus Abs of Steel. How much can I do? I'm desperately trying to get back to where I was, to the coveted size 5.