August 5th

Sunday Night

In one of my favorite movies, Reality Bites, Vickie said to Lailana, "You are in the bell jar." She was referring to Laiana's loafing on the couch all day, wearing her pajamas, eating chips and dialing 1-900 numbers all day. I don't know what "bell jar" means, but I assume it has something to do with wasting your life away. That's how I've been feeling lately; in the bell jar. I've lost the urge to want to work out, to do laundry, to care about how I look. It's really sick. I'm slowly pulling myself out of it. It struck me that the size 9 pants at Marshalls just barely fit over my fat hips, and I felt depressed. It's so lame and silly that my entire self esteem lies within my weight, but it does. For me, thin = happy.