Comfortable With Conformity

August 9th

Thursday afternoon

It seems like each day is an oppurtunity for me to somehow do something worthwhile. I'm so sick of the computer. First I check e-mail, see that I have none, check the diaries, open up Instant Messenger, then play Minesweeper until I can think of something else to do. Oh yes. I must work out today.

I saw Memento last night with S. So good. I highly recommend it. We had a really good time together, being all cuddly and snuggly and all those great boyfriend things. I even said to him suddenly, "Do I really have a boyfriend?" He looked at me like I was crazy. I think I'm in love with the idea of having a boyfriend as much as I'm in love with S. It gives me status. I've had a boyfriend for so long, I don't think I could go without one.

The sun is out and it's a perfect tanning day, but I think I'll pass. I'm worrying about skin cancer and premature aging. Everyone says I look about 18, and I want to keep it that way. I love looking young. That's probably why no one takes me seriously, come to think of it. I don't look like the fierce, hot tempered person that I am. I look like a creampuff. Speaking of creampuffs. My mom and I saw Nick's mom at Publix the other day, and they were reminiscing about how their kids used to behave when they were teenagers, and she said she couldn't believe I was trouble because I looked like a creampuff. Months ago, Dr.Greener told my parents not to worry about my condition, because compared to other illnesses, I was a creampuff. What the hell is a creampuff? I'd like to know since I am one and all.

I am going to be productive today, I swear. I am going to workout soon, then do laundry, then...this is where I get stuck. I would say look for jobs, but I've scoured so much that there's nothing I haven't seen. I would write, but I'm not inspired to write today. What I would really want it to invite Tracie and Alison out to dinner. Why do I have to be the one that lives far away?

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