penismightier.com

Man#1: Hey, you should totally put a carport over those cars in the middle of your yard man.
Man#2: Totally! Yeah! I can build it out of some used building materials and plastic sheets I have laying around here and use this old shipping container I’m renting as a wall! That [...]

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My wife and I recently went to an indoor waterpark so that we could pretend that the cold death of winter was not yet upon us. We had a good time, first going down some slides and then floating around the lazy river without a care.
Eventually we retreated to the wave pool [...]

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I wish people would stop talking about ‘Balloon Boy’.
First of all, how fucked up is it that we’re all calling him Balloon Boy when he wasn’t even in the damn balloon? How is this kid going to end up being known as balloon boy his entire life? At least Baby Jessica [...]

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Some days I feel like a social worker, or possibly a health inspector.

*phone rings*
Me: This is Clem, what can I do to you today?
User: Hi Clam, I have a… wait, what?
Me: What is the nature of your issue today?
User: Oh. This is Nancy downstairs, and I just put a ticket in [...]

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I’ve been avoiding the health care insurance debate because of health issues… High blood pressure and popping veins in my forehead is apparently considered a pre-existing condition.
However, I cant ignore how people are protesting and chanting.
Across the country we have people mobilizing and traveling to congressional districts they don’t vote in so [...]

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Yesterday I was drinking a pitcher of rum and coke with friends when a drunk woman approached us. I say she was drunk mostly because she approached us, and my friends tend to only attract drunk women.
Anyway, she approached us and asked quite loudly (to no one in particular) “Hey, how the [...]

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Dear whoever made that annoying Heineken commercial: Learn about volume.
Seriously. I can have my television on ‘3′ where I can barely hear voices on the screen as a murmur, but this damn commercial will make the neighbors ask me to keep it down when the actors all start their fucking screeching.
See for yourself:

Boy. [...]

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Top five things I didn’t want to hear/overhear over the last few nights:
1) “Maybe your wife cheated on you because your dick is too small, you fucking asshole!”
2) “Mandy, I figured now that you’ve graduated I should tell you that I’m not your biological father.”
3) “After she had her boobs cut off [...]

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I recently spent relaxing vacation in Northern Wisconsin. My days were filled with hiking, shopping, and floating down rivers in intertubes. My nights were spent recovering from sunburn and picking ticks off my body.
Yes. Picking ticks off my body.
Even though I was wearing pants and tick spray I was still subjected to [...]

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I recently took a break from downloading Sarah Palin ‘look-alike’ pornography in order to go out to dinner with some friends. Unfortunately our first few restaurant choices had extremely long wait times, so we ended up at a kind of seedy joint that I had eaten at a few times in the past. [...]

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