So Dick Cheney has once again been admitted to the hospital, due to ‘discomfort’. More information available here. I suppose I should be hoping that it turns out to be bad. After all, this man has made a living out of raping the working class and then charging them for lube. But I have to [...]
Entries Tagged as 'Bitchfest'
Buy stock in anal lube.
June 26th, 2010 by Clme · 1 Comment
Over the shoulder ice-cube holder.
June 22nd, 2010 by Clme · No Comments
Last week I stopped to visit an older relative of mine, and soon found myself making small talk in his living room. him: I had to ask my daughter to leave. She wasn’t helping around the house, I couldn’t afford to keep paying her insurance, and she’s had two years to find a job. me: [...]
Tags: Bitchfest · Redneck Roots
The TSA took my baby away.
April 23rd, 2010 by Clme · No Comments
Ok. I understand random baggage checks on the checked baggage. I really do. But after years of flying I have suddenly realized that I have yet to check my baggage and not get it searched. How do I know its searched? Every time the baggage is checked there is a card left inside of the [...]
Tags: Bitchfest
Any port in a car.
December 16th, 2009 by Clme · No Comments
Man#1: Hey, you should totally put a carport over those cars in the middle of your yard man. Man#2: Totally! Yeah! I can build it out of some used building materials and plastic sheets I have laying around here and use this old shipping container I’m renting as a wall! That will kick ass! Man#2: [...]
Tags: Bitchfest
Chewbacca can’t swim
December 7th, 2009 by Clme · No Comments
My wife and I recently went to an indoor waterpark so that we could pretend that the cold death of winter was not yet upon us. We had a good time, first going down some slides and then floating around the lazy river without a care. Eventually we retreated to the wave pool to bob [...]
Tags: Bitchfest · Inspirational
What if balloon boy fell into a well?
October 24th, 2009 by Clme · No Comments
I wish people would stop talking about ‘Balloon Boy’. First of all, how fucked up is it that we’re all calling him Balloon Boy when he wasn’t even in the damn balloon? How is this kid going to end up being known as balloon boy his entire life? At least Baby Jessica the Well Girl [...]
Roach clip computer mod
September 16th, 2009 by Clme · No Comments
Some days I feel like a social worker, or possibly a health inspector. *phone rings* Me: This is Clem, what can I do to you today? User: Hi Clam, I have a… wait, what? Me: What is the nature of your issue today? User: Oh. This is Nancy downstairs, and I just put a ticket [...]
Being stupid is a pre-existing condition.
August 18th, 2009 by Clme · 1 Comment
I’ve been avoiding the health care insurance debate because of health issues… High blood pressure and popping veins in my forehead is apparently considered a pre-existing condition. However, I cant ignore how people are protesting and chanting. Across the country we have people mobilizing and traveling to congressional districts they don’t vote in so they [...]
You try and help a person…
July 24th, 2009 by Clme · No Comments
Yesterday I was drinking a pitcher of rum and coke with friends when a drunk woman approached us. I say she was drunk mostly because she approached us, and my friends tend to only attract drunk women. Anyway, she approached us and asked quite loudly (to no one in particular) “Hey, how the fuck do [...]
Tags: Bitchfest · Inspirational
Commercials I hate, part 23.
July 15th, 2009 by Clme · 2 Comments
Dear whoever made that annoying Heineken commercial: Learn about volume. Seriously. I can have my television on ’3′ where I can barely hear voices on the screen as a murmur, but this damn commercial will make the neighbors ask me to keep it down when the actors all start their fucking screeching. See for yourself: [...]