The dog was a pitbull named Booger.

Now as if that wasn’t bad enough, more information keeps coming to light about this woman.

For example…
• She was once Miss Wyoming, in the 1970’s.
• In 1978 she was wanted for Kidnapping a Mormon missionary in the UK, and forcing him to have sex with her.
• She is best known for once saying the line “I’d ski naked down Mount Everest with a carnation up my nose if he asked me.”
• In 2004 she convinced a 15 year old to break into a house and steal money so she could buy a prosthetic leg for her horse.
• Over the last 30 years she has occasionally threatened the wives of men that she would become obsessed with.
• She had a career in soft porn in the 1970’s including lots of bondage shots.
• She disappeared from Korea without her $50,000 puppies

You cant make shit like that up.

Read more here:
1977 London Times article
A pro-pitbull site gives their take on it
TrashFiction.co.uk tracks down a book published in 1978

30 years have not been kind to her. But then, she hasn’t been kind to herself either.

But of course it turns out that once again I have underestimated just how low marketing will go to sell something.

Obama Victory Plates

What the fuck? I hope that this plate is at least made in the U.S.A.

The commercial, of course, kept repeating: Yes you can own a piece of history.

I went back to watching cartoons.

One of the last times I had played through the game I thought I’d download some save files and start with all of the ‘tags’ spraypainted. Unfortunately, I found out that my version of GTA:SA is release 2.0, which means that the 1.0 and 1.1 save files will not play in it.

So I created new version 2.0 save files, and I’m sharing the files with you.

Save file 1: All 100 tags, pimping levels complete, and firefighter missions complete (fireproof).

Save file 2: All 100 tags, and pimping missions completed.

Save file 3: All 100 tags.

In order to use these files, download them and place them in your GTA San Andreas User Files directory (normally in your ‘My Documents’ folder).

Penismightier.com can not be held responsible for any damage that occurs to your computer or game.

1) Do not try shock tactics in order to soften the blow.
Even though their party may have used these tactics in mailers and television, this really doesn’t help them feel better. For example: If you say that the Democratic party knocked down and anally raped the Republican party, that may change the topic off of politics but it will probably reinforce their delusions of a homosexual agenda.

2) Avoid talk of religion.
This is a good rule in any situation, but applies doubly around this election. Even when they come out and say that the new president will be secretly sworn in using a Koran instead of a Bible, just say “We’ll see what happens on inauguration day”. Its a much better method than getting into the battle over what religion he follows or trying to argue over why it matters. Nothing short of seeing the new president burn a Koran and personally shooting Osama Bin Laden will change their minds.

3) Sleep with their daughters.
Nothing makes people forget politics like hearing about how their innocent college aged daughter has been sleeping with a liberal. This tactic does not work as well with their sons though, since most Republicans keep a double standard about things like this. However, if their son is gay (and you are too) go for it… somehow the double standards cancel out.
Note: This is an exception to the ’shock tactics’ rule above.
Note2: Not valid for your family members unless you’re in Alaska.

4) Avoid comparing Obama to Reagan.
It sounds crazy, but its come up… especially when someone mentions an Obama cult. Reagan may be dead but there are still congressmen lining up to suck his cock. He’s the golden calf of an entire generation of Republicans, and they feel that your idol is the false one. Remember: This is the party that held their parties presidential debates at the grave of Ronald Reagan after a choir sang “Why Should God Bless America”… there is no logic that can win if they can swallow all of that.

5) When discussing scandals, don’t lose your temper.
There are dozens of claims of democratic campaign finance scandals, citizenship scandals, and dirty advertising out there right now. Stay calm. No need to fall prey to baiting or name calling. If you don’t have a response, say as much and look the information up at the next opportunity. But also try to remember: Most radical right wing ‘news’ sites either don’t cite sources for their stories or take the sources completely out of context. NewsMax.com, VDARE, and Free Republic are examples of this in action. In return, do not send links to left wing stories that aren’t sourced to your conservative friends… there is no need to feed their belief in a liberal media bias.

6) Send me pictures of your Republican sister(s)
Yeah, I know about that camera you have hidden in the cold air return you dirty little monkey. I read about it on newsmax. They say you all do it. I want copies in jpg format.

Do you have your own tips for dealing with Republican acquaintances? Comment and let me know.

Now that I’ve got that out of the way I feel that I have to make a complaint. A fairly large one, since it affects me personally and I’m the most important person I care about. A complaint that comes about because I have a five year old living inside of my head. He’s been there for about 25 years and yet has never aged. Its a paradox… but my head hurts when I think about it. Its probably because he starts to throw things around up there.

Part of the problem with having a five year old living inside my head is that he does the things that a normal five year old does. He sings, he says things that aren’t appropriate, he laughs when someone says a word that sounds like doodie, and he has temper tantrums.

Heh. I said doodie. Heheheh.

But probably the most annoying is the singing. Thankfully judicious application of rum to my system seems to quiet him down most of the time.

Plus, drunk five year olds are damn funny.

Still, sometimes I cant just drink my voices away. In fact, sometimes they come about at the wrong time, like in the middle of work or during intimate moments. Have you ever had a completely juvenile thought in the middle of an intimate moment?

I suppose I should feel bad about exposing the five year old in my head to intimate moments…

But back to my complaint:
Ever since I heard thousands of Obama supporters start changing “Yes we can!” after he made his victory speech I cant get the Bob the builder theme song out of my head.

Its been four days now damnit. Rum isn’t touching this one. Wanna go ride bikes?

BARACK OBAMA
(Can we fix it)
BARACK OBAMA
(Yes we can!)

The problem is twofold:
1) There is just so MUCH stuff worthy of posting.
2) I cant type anything about it without breaking into unstopping strings of swear words. My fingers get tired. Fucking politics.

The most I can manage is my ’send me pictures of your ass pretzels’ event (which ends this week) or a couple of half-hearted links to things.

Daily Show interviews current Wasilla Mayor:

Caledonia, WI man attacks Obama worker

John McCain’s brother calls 911 to complain about traffic

ACORN receives threats, racist messages and emails

Dirty Republican Tricks in Wisconsin

Also, in case it wasn’t obvious, Obama has won me over. I wont be voting for Bob Barr, Cynthia McKinney, or Ralph Nader. McCain may have had me if he had been a nominee four years ago (I voted against Bush, not really for Kerry) but there is no way in hell I’ve vote for him anymore.

Elizabeth Dole can choke on my cock. I’ll have to take one of her husbands viagra in order to keep it up while she’s in the room though. Maybe I can use her wig to wipe off with when I’m done.

Also, since I doubt anyone has read this far, I have a confession to make. I have a fantasy. This fantasy is to see Alberto Gonzales get caught skullfucking a dead hooker on tape. In some versions of this fantasy he ends up in jail with a painful priapism for several days, and loses his penis as a result. Thankfully, he is still able to be a bottom for Dick Cheney. Plus, Dick Cheney is has a huge dick. His pacemaker has to kick in with extra horsepower any time he sets his records on fire or he shits on the constitution, due to the size of the erection he gets.

The problem is not that Alberto Gonzales would never get caught skullfucking a dead hooker. Not at all. He IS a neocon, after all. Hell, it would be a male hooker to boot. The problem is that at this point in history I cant be certain such an event would be prosecuted or even make it onto the news. In two years the American public will fucking forget who the hell Gonzales was, assuming they knew who he was to begin with.

Some of you fuckers have short memories.

(further expletives deleted)

So, with that said I am now looking for pictures of pretzels to cover the poor soul with. There is no way he will ever stand trial for his crimes, but he has so many that must be weighing hard on his soul. So all that we can hope for is that he naturally meets his maker that much sooner, with the swift injection of pretzels into his system.

If you have a picture of a pretzel that I can use, please note these rules:

• Take a picture of your ass Pretzel. (No copyrighted images, please)
• Find a link you would like to associate with your ass Pretzel.
• Send the picture (and link choice) to Clme@NOSPAMpenismightier.com with the subject “Cover Dubya’s Pretzel”
• If you’d like your assPretzel to remain anonymous, please make sure you specify this in the email.

Thank you.

In the end everyone could agree that calling a Pepsi “Coke” was stupid, but no one could let bygones be bygones and agree that soda or pop were equally valid.

Then somehow the topic changed to drinking fountains instead.

See, many in Wisconsin call a drinking fountain a “Bubbler”. This is due to the Kohler company, which is based in Wisconsin. The first drinking fountains were called bubblers, but thanks to Kohler patenting the term its use is limited to certain areas that adopted the bubbler early. In those areas it is used much like “Kleenex” or… well… “Coke”

After a few minutes of arguing about bubblers I had to put a stop to the conversation. Again, we’ve all had conversations like this before. They didn’t have anything new to lend to it and their minds were made up already. So I came out and said “I dont call it bubbler or drinking fountain. I call it ‘Whites Only’ because thats what it says on the sign”.

My friends got quiet and started to look around nervously. They didn’t want to talk to me anymore.

I added something new to the conversation at least.

Plus we avoided the whole “ATM vs TYME machine” conversation.

Bad Taste doesn't just come in beverage form.

It turns out that a lot of you are smart and intelligent people that absolutely did not find this website while looking for penis lengthening aides. Many of you have provided me with stories about other parts of your world, full of sick habits and amusing antics. When I cant come up with any original material of my own, I turn to those words.

So, its time once more for Masturbatory Roleplaying! The game where everything is fake except the shame and lack of fulfillment!

Story six:
A penny for your thoughts my picture?

Imagine you’re a young man attending a large mid-western college. Though you live in a dorm and have a fairly active social life you’ve confined yourself to your dorm room since you don’t feel well.

At some point you decide to start up your computer and try out a free trial of EverQuest your roommate left you. Before you install the game, you load up your Instant Messenger and check to see if any of your friends are online. You see a few, and do a quick check to see if any are using chat rooms. You see one, a a friends girlfriend from a nearby dorm, and you join the chat. For the first few minutes you just lurk in the background to see what the discussion is about.

Unfortunately, you find yourself rapidly regretting joining since the topic is not one you’re comfortable with. Your friend is discussing taking digital photos of herself naked, and is emailing them to anyone that asks. You’re slightly creeped out, but you don’t leave the chat. Some sort of morbid curiosity is driving you to continue reading the compliments and pleas for more photos from the strangers in the chat.

After about five minutes, you receive a private Instant Message from your friend.

DormChick1: how come U R not asking for pictures?
You: Well, I just don’t feel comfortable in that situation. I know you IRL and that seems like it would change things.
DormChick1: what, dont I look nice 2 you?
You: Look, I just don’t feel right taking pictures from you. You’re dating someone in my dorm, you know?
DormChick1: well, how about if U paid me for pictures? Then it would be a business transaction and U wouldn’t have to feel guilty!
You: How would that help me feel less guilty?
DormChick1: well, I figure if U just give me five dollars next time you see me that we can call it even! no guilt because its purely a business transaction!
You: Look, I’ve never had to pay for porn before.
DormChick1: This wouldn’t be porn.
You: Is this hush money? You dont want me to tell your boyfriend that you were trading pictures with strange men in a chat room do you?
DormChick1: Well, what were you doing in that chat room?
You: I’m done with this conversation. Goodbye.

For the next several days you are constantly bombarded with emails from this woman. In several of the emails she attaches pictures of herself with the plea “Look, now you have pictures and didn’t pay me”. You feel dirty. It doesn’t stop you from rubbing one out to the pictures though. Damn those were hot.

Do you tell your friend? Do you save the pictures? Do you rant about it to a guy you barely know in IM? Yes to all of the above!

But the question remains… why didn’t I ask for copies of these pictures when you were telling me this story? Damn. Hindsight is 20/20.