posted 04-26-2001 22:11            

i am just writing this to rant on and i just want people to listen, someone to listen, cuz i have no one to talk to right now.

right now i feel down. i feel like crying. i worked today and i was alone for like 2 hours to close and i thought about how my relationship with my girlfriend used to be. we used to do fun things all the time, i used to treat her soo good. i used to have this hot fired passion inside me to make her smile and laugh, just to see her beautiful brown eyes light up the way they do. god she has the most beautiful eyes in the world, you can lose yourself in them. and i admit she does not have a thin frame, but she is not fat, she's not even pudgy, she just has a slightly wider frame, she is actually rpetty far from fat. but she has the most gorgeous hips and curves. and the softest belly in the world. i love to just lay my hand on her stomach, i sometimes rub her lower belly when she has her menstraul cramps, and she loves it, but i do too.

but the real reaon im writing this is because right now i miss her, i spend over 2 hours just thinking of how much i love her and how i miss doing fun things with her, and i finally get home and i call her so i can simply let her know i miss her and that i love her even though i see her everyday at lunchtime but thats only an hour at noon. i just wanted to hear her voice and wanted her to tell me to stop acting like an idiot cuz i saw her today and i will see her tomorrow, but i dont care if she says that, i expect her too. i just do it to hear that inflection in her voice.

well i call her and she is busy doin homework and she can't talk....... so i do the worst thing i could have done, i go and start reading all the letters she wrote me....i read the ones of how i hurt her when i went out with another girl instead of her (before we were going out) and i read of how she loves me and i read of all the things we have done together and i dunno i just need to let all this out. i need people to hear me, i want to yell at someone right now, i want to tear into someone right now and let them know that i love her. i want to reach my hand into my chest and pull out my soul and show the world how i have devoted my love and my everything to this silly little girl who isnt silly to me

she is my everything, i love her so much
as i sit here and cry and type all i can think of are the times we sat together in this chair and looked at stupid shit on the internet and laughed together. i am sound like we've been apart for ages, but i feel like i don't let her know how much she means to me, i feel like we dont do those fun things as much anymore, that fire that used to burn inside me is still there and stronger than ever but i feel i have forgotten how to let it out.
i want to make her feel special, i want to make her feel like she is the only thing that matters, i want her to feel like the princess she is.

and i don't know what to do right now. i think im just going to go listen to some sad acoustic music and lay in bed for awhile, maybe go throw up (it makes me feel better after crying) and go to sleep i hope but i doubt

i wouldnt care if a single person would reply to this, i don't expect it. except the generic "yeah i know what ya mean" kinda stuff, so save that

posted 04-26-2001 23:07            

Print what you just wrote up, and give it to her.

posted 04-27-2001 08:34            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sara:
Honest to god.. you just changed my opinion of men... that was beautiful and I agree with the printing it out part.

---

Yeah, too true.

But seriously, Nuen... it's really okay to have the feelings you have. It doesn't make you less of a man. In fact, it makes you more of a man to admit these feelings.

Take everybody's advice, print this, and give it to her, or even e-mail it if you are too embarrassed to hand deliver it.

I would like someone to say the same about me... (sigh)

posted 04-27-2001 10:39            

Just remember, it isn't just the show, it is just as much the delivery.

posted 04-27-2001 14:40            

quote:

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Originally posted by MrSelfdestruct:

Just remember, it isn't just the show, it is just as much the delivery.

---

Well said... (clap, clap, clap)

posted 04-27-2001 15:41            

(hangs head in shame and looks for eod so as to put on a pathetic face and gain sympathy)

but thanx people
i didnt really care if anyone read it thing is i just had to let some shit outta me and i mean i tell my girlfriend everything, i mean everything. she was my best friend for like 2 years before we were going out. (been going out for over a year now)
and i dunno
but thank you everyone....

and about the throwin up thing, well my body is totally fucked up with shit like that so dont worry, after the mild mental break i've had wierd things like that, really its nothing
nothing at all
i swear it isnt
what?
fuck you im not fucked up?
aaaaaaaaAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhh
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhHHHHhhhh

oh yeah im back to ok mode now

*Edit: Fixed the fucked up margins.