posted 05-05-2001 15:16         

Last night everything was all hunky dory when I turned the computer off. Since my room is utterly a mess, and it was a really nice night out, I decided to go to sleep on a chair on the porch. Well, I went outside and slept there, to be woken up this morning by a light rain. So I go inside and try to sleep on a couch.

About an hour later, at like 8:00, I'm asleep, but my mom wakes me up and demands that I get up and help my dad *carry a fence* about 5 feet, because she's too weak to do it herself. So I put sandals on, throw on my bathrobe, go do that, and come back in, and crash on the couch again, sleepy as hell.

An hour after that, my mom demands I get up and help dear old dad with another piece of fence. I get up again, do that, and go back in. I can't sleep anymore.

I go into my room and turn on my computer. And lo and behold, everything looks like it's going fine, but when it goes to get into windows, it's just a black screen. FUCK. I reboot, try again, same thing. FUCK. I go into safe mode, everything looks fine. I install new drivers. Get "Windows protection error, reboot." FUCK. Try rebooting several times, no luck.

Boot into my half-functioning copy of win2000 instead of win98, that's semi-functioning, but not well. I go back out, go to safe mode, new drivers, finally I can get into win98.

Eventually, after rebooting dozens of times, I figure out if I switch to anything above 640x480x16 color in win98 the screen will not work. I have not a fucking clue why.

I eventually find something that hints that it may be switching to TV out automatically (which would explain why the screen went black). So I lug the giant TV in here, since my parents are too retarded to let me buy my own TV (my parents being "my mom", a.k.a. "mein fuhrer," and "my dad," a.k.a. "mom's bitch"). So I'm trying to find the wires to get all this to work, FINALLY, after ripping some out of the stereo, and bringing the VCR in as well, I get everything I need in here.

And that's when the cable in jack on the back of the TV snaps off. FUCK.

So now I have a broken TV and a broken computer, and it's only like 2:30.

I bring the TV back in the other room, and fiddle with it. If I hold the part at exactly the right position, the cable works (it's just some snapped metal, just needed to make the connection again). So I try tons of different ways to get this part back on correctly, which, needless to say, is incredibly difficult, because if I don't have a wire in, I can't see whether the reception is working, and if I do have a wire in, the weight of the wire keeps the part from being anywhere near stabile. After a couple hours of trying to fix that, I finally find a way to get the TV and wire to be stabile enough to let the rubber cement (my father had thrown away our superglue. Thanks, pops) dry for a while.

Oh, and somewhere in there I slammed my head on a shelf.

I go back to the computer, try a bunch more things, still no luck. At this point I have no idea what's going on. Just a magical "worked one day, not the next" kind of thing.

I tested the TV again, the stuff is dry, it seems to be working now. Of course, if it moves too much, it will break again.

So I'm taking all this in stride, things could be worse, I suppose.

Then my mom gets home, after being out all day (thank god for that). Immediately she starts bitching, REALLY WHINEY bitching, about the mess on the counter, and starts whining about how her life is so tragic and everything. This after being out visiting my sister today.

Well, today I'm reserving my right to be whiney.

Why am I telling you all this? First, because I had to write something, this is my first time relaxing all day. Second, if you haven't figured it out... I won't be doing much graphic design in the next couple days. Blah.

posted 05-06-2001 14:01            

So without further ado, here's what sucked about today:

I woke up at about 11am, put on a shirt and sweatpants, and went to my computer (y3s, 1 4m g33k0r) and lit a cigarette. So far so good. I had bought some croissant-dough the previous day, and I was REALLY looking forward to 4 nice, fresh croissants.
I preheated the oven and rolled the croissants, sat down on the couch and read yesterday's newspaper waiting for the oven to reach the right temperature.
The sun was out and shining through my open windows. A Hooverphonic-cd was playing on my PC. Dammit, this was a FINE morning.

The oven was preheated after 15 minutes or so and I put the croissants in and set the timer to 15 minutes. I made coffee and set the table. After that, I sat back down to finish the article I was reading.

After a while ( it was a loooong article) I noticed a baaaad smell coming from the kitchen... something was buring. SHIT! I threw my newpaper away and ran to the oven... but it's too late. Four charred croissants lay in the oven, and my kitchen is filled with smoke.
Turns out, the FUCKING batteries of my FUCKING timer died on me. Right at exactly the WRONG FUCKING moment.

FUCK that pissed me off. I was so looking forward to eating those croissants in the sun. I closed the curtains, picked up a book and went back to bed to read for a couple of hours. FUCK.

It's all relative of course. The sandwitches I made myself weren't THAT bad. There is no permanent damage done. I'll get over it.

At least psyci's day was worse. That's something.

posted 05-07-2001 17:08            

Jerked of three times today to ease the pain. Itchy balls.FUCK

posted 05-07-2001 23:11            

Have you been in a coma? Are you and your girlfriend 13 years old? How can it be possible to go 5 weeks?

posted 05-08-2001 10:47            

Nothing is worse than going through all of the trouble af finding someone to date(or who will "date" you), and then ending up with someone with a serious defect. I mean, that is a huge difference in libido.

If you expected sex 3 times a day, and she only wanted 3 times a week, that could be worked around. But less than once a month is like you've been married for 10 years and hate each other or something.

And fighting about it is not much of a turn on. How long have you been in this relationship? Is it worth accepting this because everything else is so great? Do you plan on staying together long term? If so I would think some relationship counseling could be in order. Does she have any abuse in her past that she needs to deal with?

At any rate, the process of healing needs to begin. If that means you work together to overcome this shocking lack of bootie action, great. If that means you need to get with someone else, then you should think about it.

posted 05-08-2001 17:14            

I don't care how wonderful she is, you need to be aware that you are NEVER going to be happy if something drastic doesn't happen to bring your libidos a little closer into sync. All those feelings of ugliness, unlovedness, etc? They're just gonna get worse and worse and worse.

I don't know if she can learn to want it more than once a month (or worse, from what you said), but I am quite sure that you can't learn to want it LESS than that and still feel good about yourself. If you're in that relationship long enough, yes you will get used to it - but believe me, that's worse than NOT getting used to it, because what you'll be getting "used to" is all those feelings of ugliness and unlovedness and et cetera.

Not good for the psyche.

Basically, everybody's got the bases covered here:

1. Make sure she understands this is not something you can "get over", it's something fundamentally important that is NEVER going to go away.

2. Make sure she doesn't have some deep-seated issue she's avoiding instead of confronting that's at the root of all this.

3. If there's still nowhere left to go after 1. and 2., GET THE FUCK OUT NOW. Far better to do it while your self-esteem is (relatively) healthy than wait til later - you don't want to accumulate a fuck-ton of emotional/sexual scar tissue from this that some OTHER, healthier girl is going to have to decide to either deal with or dump your ass over later.

posted 05-08-2001 20:42            

Thank you.AWESOME

As for my girlfriend. I think it's been three times that we've gone over it. The first time it happened I figured everything would get better. 5 weeks later we were back at it.

Second time, I talked to a mutual friend about it. She helped me to ask some questions and try to find some things out about her. So, that's what I did. I tried to find out if there was something that had happenned, something there that she was hiding, but nothing... there's nothing, and I've pried, searched, coaxed, and cajoled everything I can. She's not internally scarred. I suggested new things, I'd be more romantic, more keyed into her than myself during sex, more romantic, more sensual, more sensitive. I tried it all. She enjoyed it more.

5 weeks later, we've come to now.

We talked about it last night. She doesn't like herself. I tried to help her to understand that she can't do a decent job loving anyone else if she doesn't love herself. She told me the only reason she knows what love is, is because of me. That means a lot to me. So, I tried suggesting things to help her change her picture of herself such that she could better who she was and stop hating herself. She told me she was selfish and celf-centered, and that she always has been. I told her that if she thinks that, she's the only one that can change it. She told me she doesn't want us to be broken, I told her I've run out of ways to fix things. She said she would fix it this time, she didn't want us to be broken, she didn't want us to fall apart because of this. I hope she can do it.

Once again... thanks guys, just the few seconds you took, it means so much to me.