posted 06-12-2001 20:36            

Last Friday I went to Six Flags Great America with my two sisters and brother. We had a great time, bonding, laughing, waiting in many lines and riding roller coasters from 10 minutes after the park opened, to half an hour after they closed. The new magnetic impulse coaster, Vertical Velocity is one of the coolest rides I've ever been on. It barrels out of the starting area at about 65 miles an hour on the HORIZONTAL. We're not talking a drop, just pure accelleration that peels your face back and takes your breath away. My favorite is still the Raging Bull. I risked life and camera to take a photo while just beginning to accellerate at the top of the first drop. Imagine dropping 200 feet at speeds of nearly 70mph while trying desperately to hang on to a camera whose strap broke off during the previous climb. It spent the rest of the ride wedged under my shirt.

It was not all laughs though, well, at least not for me. Early in the afternoon, we decided to brave a ride on the notoriously painful Shockwave. This coaster has a history of giving people headaches by slamming their heads back and forth against the shoulder restraints due to abrupt turns. It also has a dizzying combination of 7 loops including a corkscrew and a pretzel loop.

Despite the bad press, I love any ride that gets me upside down and I was waiting eagerly in line. My brother and sister got in the row ahead of me, and my other sister sat beside me. I experimentally tested the shoulder restraints, trying different hand holds to get the best security to hold my head still against the slamming. While gripping the part closer to my neck, my right hand rested in something wet…

…To my complete and utter horror, when I turned my head to look, I was confronted with a large, mucoid, foamy loogie of unbelievable volume. It was slowly oozing its way down the inner edge of the shoulder restraint over my right shoulder. I did the only sensible thing and screamed at the top of my lungs. The restraint was locked in place in preparation for the ride starting so I couldn't push it back up. When the bored attendant came along to test our restraints, I told him there was a huge pile of spit and I needed a napkin or something. He wandered off to find something for me, and as he turned to head back, the other attendant started the coaster. I headed off to my doom while he held a napkin located a few moments too late..

Of all the coasters in the park, this was the WORST to have such a thing happen. I leaned as far to the left as possible, screamed in terror at the thought of slamming my right ear into that slimy desposit and not so silently wished for it to be over as soon as possible. My siblings haven't had so much fun in their lives. My sister next to me kept trying to hold me next to her while my brother kept turning around to keep me updated on the loogie's progress. As we neared the last set of loops, he was delighted to tell me it had succombed to gravity and was all over my shoulder. I just kept my eyes shut and screamed until we got into the station. As soon as I heard the click, I hollered "get this fucking thing OFF ME!", thrust the restraint up and ran pell mell to the closest restroom without even waiting for my siblings. All I could think of was tuberculosis, Ebola, influenza.. and later a very satisfying fantasy of finding whatever preteen male left that behind, pinning him to the ground and spitting copiously and repeatedly all over his face.

Needless to say, it took another ride on the Raging Bull to restore my good mood, but my sibs laughed so hard they cried and this story has already become a favorite family legend. The day ended well, with a final ride on the Raging Bull. We waited a long time in line and were rewarded with front row seats on the last run of the night half an hour after the rest of the park had closed. The lights were off in the park, most were off on our ride and except for our screams, the place was silent and dark.

I'm telling ya. Roller coasters are better than sex.

-Bex

posted 06-13-2001 02:05            

w3rd.

posted 06-13-2001 08:17            

The shockwave was my first coaster that went upside down and to this day it is still my favorite.

I rode the bull last summer. That sucker is one fast ride. The velocity and banking of those corners on it gave me a slight concusion (I had a headache the rest of the day).

posted 06-13-2001 14:48            

Is that a good enough picture for you?

I'm glad you guys were so amused by my personal little hell though. It's one of those things that is hysterically funny to everyone except the person wallowing in mucus.