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Author
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Topic: Did Jehova's Witnesses suddenly turn soft?
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LaMFear
Dutch Pen - Cock sucking champ of 1999
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posted 06-23-2001 07:32
   
There were two Jehova's Witnesses at my door this morning. The standard grinning duo: an elderly man in shirt & tie, and a young woman in a long skirt.
I quickly saw what they were: she was holding a copy of The Watchtower.Her: Good morning sir, we'd like t-
Me: Sorry I'm not interested.
Her: Oh. Well have a nice day then. Bye.
Me: Bye. I crawled into bed after that, wondering about their "new softness". I've heard sooo many stories about JW's sticking their foot in the door and scuffles braking out. Sigh.
Things aint the way they used to be. On a totally unrelated note, I wanted to share this with you:
 [This message has been edited by LaMFear (edited 06-23-2001).] IP: Logged |
Jimbo
1 dr3w j00 4 p1ggy!
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posted 06-23-2001 08:06
Dude, some of 'em are pretty hardcore. I came really close to decking a 12-year-old kid at my last house, the little fucker was so persistent and rude.Kid: (very fast talking, hard to understand) "blablablablaGodblablablablaChurch?"
Me: (irritated) "What?"
Kid: "blablablablaChurch do you go to?"
Me: (insanely irritated) "Look kid I'm moving across the state tomorrow morning, so it doesn't really matter what church I go to. Bye." At this point I gather up the last of an armload of (very heavy) stuff from my car and proceed across my lawn to my front door - and this anemic little freckled bastard runs around me and stands directly in front of me so that I can't keep walking without running him over. Kid: "Are you 100% sure you're going to Heaven?"
Me: (still with a ton of heavy crap in my arms) "Back the hell off NOW, kid!" He was clearly ready to continue the Noble, Valiant Fight To Save The Soul Of The Unwashed Sinner, but at that point I walked directly into him and kept going. The little fucker started to run around me to stop me again, but apparently halfway through the process some remaining innate sense of self-preservation grabbed him by the nuts and yanked hard, because before he got all the way around he changed his mind and trotted his little Opie-looking ass off my yard to go pester one of my neighbors. IP: Logged |
Amazon
Anal Amazon,
Assaulter of Men
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posted 06-25-2001 05:36
Yeah, if you answer the door in a state of undress, they never flinch any more.
I had just gotten out of the shower, so I had just a towel wrapped around me. The two women didn't blink. One just said she'd leave a Watchtower on the table outside. I told her I was a Pagan, so she said she'd leave one that wasn't religious.... and it wasn't.
Go figure.------------------
Is she not right? Is she insane? IP: Logged |
BaldGhoti
Member with a member
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posted 06-25-2001 11:34
Answering the door with a hatchet covered in ketchup or some other blood substitute is always fun.
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Reverend Rob IP: Logged |
LaMFear
Dutch Pen - Cock sucking champ of 1999
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posted 06-25-2001 12:00
A friend of mine had a dad who was a minister. All she had to do was tell them her dad was a minister and they would leave immediately. Appearently, ministers and their families are considered a lost cause in their eyes. IP: Logged |
CapnBiggles
clmesdad. stopplease sirmyass is bleeding
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posted 06-25-2001 12:38
quote:
Originally posted by LaMFear:
A friend of mine had a dad who was a minister. All she had to do was tell them her dad was a minister and they would leave immediately. Appearently, ministers and their families are considered a lost cause in their eyes.
I'd be willing to give that a try, but I dont want the hassle if they called me on it. IP: Logged |
MightyMon
s0m30n3 s3t up us the m0n
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posted 06-25-2001 12:58
I'm starting to feel left out...the Witnesses have never visited me!------------------
I live for a great halter-top. IP: Logged |
CapnBiggles
clmesdad. stopplease sirmyass is bleeding
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posted 06-25-2001 13:16
Well its hard for me NOT to have it happen, since I have a JW Hall like right around the corner and a few miles down the street.IP: Logged |
Demon-of-Elru
TFC Bitch
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posted 06-25-2001 14:57
They've come to my place a few times... The first time I listened, saying nice things, then going "Oh wait, no!" and slamming the door. They didn't come back for a while, the next time they came, I appeared in a black cloak I had used as part of a Halloween costume a while back with a necklace with a pentacle on it, and told them I was busy. They haven't come back since.... That's ok though.IP: Logged |
fenomas
argument nazi
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posted 06-25-2001 19:42
Hm. One of the great things about japan is that the country is more or less 49% Buddhist and 49% shinto, and each could hardly care less about the other.One of the problems is that Japan is 2% christian, and they're as bad here as anywhere, along with being the fastest growing religion in the country, small wonder. The last time I got a witness, I had just been reading the "norse" section of Edith Whatever's famous book of mythology from the 50's, so I started this conversation about how modern history knows almost nothing about the old germanic/norse religion because its texts and traditions were so thoroughly wiped out by christian missionaries, and what did she have to say to that? And of course she was very pleasant, and promised to look into that when she had a chance, and I said I'd take a look at the old watchtower, and I did. And of course I was again reminded of old Ambrose Bierce's Devil's Dictionary, (there was a guy who knew what was going on), which defined joss sticks (now known as incense) thus:
JOSS-STICKS, n. Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan
tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion. heh. -fen IP: Logged |
Amazon
Anal Amazon,
Assaulter of Men
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posted 06-27-2001 14:21
Ya know what else drives me nuts about Jehovah's Witlesses? They say God will only save so many. I think by now they have reached that quota, so why would they try to encourage others to join? That might mean someone else gets left behind.
AND... aren't the Jews the chosen ones?
I get confused.------------------
Is she not right? Is she insane? IP: Logged |
fenomas
argument nazi
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posted 06-27-2001 19:53
They were chosen until they killed jesus.IP: Logged |
MightyMon
s0m30n3 s3t up us the m0n
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posted 06-27-2001 23:35
Yeah, now the 7th Day Adventists are Chosen.------------------
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? IP: Logged |
fenomas
argument nazi
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posted 06-28-2001 03:53
Nope nope nope. Christian Scientists. As Ambrose Bierce pointed out, they have the superior religion-- because most religions can't cure imaginary illnesses, and Christian Science can.IP: Logged |
LaMFear
Dutch Pen - Cock sucking champ of 1999
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posted 06-28-2001 04:22
...[This message has been edited by LaMFear (edited 06-28-2001).] IP: Logged |
BaldGhoti
Member with a member
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posted 06-28-2001 08:30
So let me get this straight--it's Christian Scientists? : :
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Reverend Rob IP: Logged |
eod
TREAT MERIGHT!
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posted 06-28-2001 09:48
ahh I see..IP: Logged |
eod
TREAT MERIGHT!
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posted 06-28-2001 09:48
ahh I see..IP: Logged |
fenomas
argument nazi
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posted 06-28-2001 18:36
My bad. Script was fucking up.
edit- cleaned my posts up.[This message has been edited by fenomas (edited 06-28-2001).] IP: Logged |
Chess Piece Face
piss-drunk cockmaster
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posted 06-28-2001 22:16
My Jehovah's Witness story (short version):A couple of them showed up at my door one day. Being experienced in recognizing them on sight (the wardrobe is a dead giveaway) I didn't even open the door and went back to watching the tube. Then they knocked louder. And then even louder. Then they split, but not without dropping some literature on the porch. I read the shit (they have amazing propaganda sk1llz) and then threw it back out on the porch. I suppose the next time they came around and saw several rain-soaked but still neatly stacked copies of Watchtower they knew to give up. The moral of the story? Barbed wire fences are worth the investment. IP: Logged |
Bex
Delicate Flower
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posted 07-01-2001 08:02
My old neighbor was a white woman married to a black African man she met while in the Peace Corps. One of our other neighbors was a JW or a member of some similar religion. She would routinely leave these ghastly colored pamphlets raging against the sin of interracial marriage in the door. Like a few badly drawn caricatures and some florid religious text would really make a difference. I thought it was in terrible taste. -Bex
IP: Logged |
Bill
Uber PenIs
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posted 07-02-2001 03:48
RE: fenomas' update, if you meant to imply that JWs believe in Hell, you are mistaken. One thing that they have going for them is that they don't preach that cruel doctrine. JWs believe that nonbelievers will simply not be resurrected and remain dead after Jesus returns to claim his kingdom on earth. (They are also non-trinitarians and refuse to call themselves "Christians.") [This message has been edited by Bill (edited 07-02-2001).] IP: Logged |
Jimbo
1 dr3w j00 4 p1ggy!
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posted 07-02-2001 06:30
Hm. They do a smashing job of implying they believe in Hell with their incessant "are you 100% sure you're going to Heaven?" sales pitch when they accost you on your front yard while you try to maneuver a double armload of groceries out of the car and into your house, though.I suppose it would be bad sales form to ruin the concept of Hell before they got their foot in the door... after all, it might reduce the sense of urgency felt by the nonbeliever! I am still of the opinion that one who proselytizes their religion to me regardless of whether I wish to hear it, shouldn't be surprised when I proselytize my triple-wide foot up their ass regardless of whether they wish to feel it. ::punt:: IP: Logged |
Bill
Uber PenIs
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posted 07-02-2001 06:42
quote:
Originally posted by Jimbo:
I am still of the opinion that one who proselytizes their religion to me regardless of whether I wish to hear it, shouldn't be surprised when I proselytize my triple-wide foot up their ass regardless of whether they wish to feel it.
No one is arguing with that. Also, JW dogma holds that most of the people resurrected will not go to heaven. 144,000 will go to heaven to work with Jehovah. The rest will be given a paradise here on Earth. IP: Logged |
Bill
Uber PenIs
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posted 07-02-2001 08:48
Recalling long-ago memories from when I was a child, I believe this article from Jack Chick is essentially correct. I don't remember any Jesus/Michael identity, though.IP: Logged |
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