posted 08-30-2001 18:12            

Background on me.

I am probably the shyest person in the world. I've never had a girlfriend, never had sex, a kiss, a hug, nothing. No girls really interest me. The one girl I liked, I told her how I felt, and she told me I scared her. I enjoy hiding behind a mask. I have no real friends. I have no one to comfort me. I am a sad little man.

Recently, I met a girl, Kendra. She and I seemed to hit it off. She opened up to me and I opened up to her. She informed me that her last boyfriend used her as a sex toy, making it rough and painful to her. I, being wierd, got extremely upset and angry, as I don't see how a guy could do that to her. I started to feel love for her and vice versa. Well, I found her ex and yelled at him. Shit ensued... then she told me not to talk to him. So... I didn't. But, I caved and spoke more to him. He informed me that it was painful the first time because he took her virginity, but then she asked for it to be rough. She would initiate it as well. I tried to talk to her... but she had to go and just told me she didn't love me, she just said that to not feel alone.

So, she lied about being a sex toy, manipulating me to feel sorry for her. She never really loved me... just used me to make her feel better.

I've only known her a few weeks.. but damn... I can't function properly. I have this pounding headache. I've been fucking crying and shit. I just am completely shocked at this. Like... I try to be nice to everyone I meet... and... this is what I get.

Arg... anyways... you can all point and laugh now

posted 08-30-2001 18:20            

She could be lying.

The devirginizer could be lying.

Or (my bet) they're both lying to some extent.

posted 08-30-2001 18:27            

hussain.

* haven't used html for a while. hee

posted 08-30-2001 19:15            

I try to be really nice... but I seriously dont know if I can forgive her. I still like her a little, she has been the best and worst thing to happen in my life.

posted 08-30-2001 23:52            

I finally got to talk to her and it's a long story.. yes.. drama x 3

Arg I dunno what to do...

Stay with her or leave her... :\

posted 08-31-2001 07:47            

See, the thing about me, is that for the most part, I try to make everyone around me happy. I can't just go and hurt someone, especially a girl.

Amazon - Thank you :D When I spoke with her again, she told me she was lying when she said she didn't love me. She just didn't want me to love her because she didn't want to hurt me [ too late for that... ] It's very confusing. As of this moment, I am kind of back to loving her. She has been the best and worst thing to happen to me. I don't really care about myself, so knowing I will probably feel that pain again doesn't bother me much, as long as I can be happy before it comes. A hooker... blech... I love when you can smell the impurity...

I am a strange one indeed...

And thank you for the offer to e-mail you Amazon, 'tis greatly appreciated.

posted 08-31-2001 08:09            

all that fucking drama just isn't worth it in the end. You need to hook up with a girl that isn't all fucking dark and depressed and depressing and making everything one big goddamn tragic production, you know?

Keep hanging in there, and DON'T just go bruise girls because "it's expected" - I never would and still won't either. Keep your heart, but try to avoid the little birdies with broken wings - they generally have more to do with their own "brokenness" than any of the people they blame it on, and they'll drag you down with them if you give them a chance.

Girls that have it on the ball will recover from a dirtbag, because they never let the dirtbags get that close to start with - and if they DO, they realize that the problem was the dirtbag's and not their own, and they ditch him and get the fuck on with their life.

FINDING one of those girls is damned difficult, because THEY tend to find a decent guy pretty quick and stick with him - or else they avoid getting too attached to ANY guy to avoid getting more of the same.

But they're still what you should oughta be looking for. Find a happy girl, man... the sad ones are just too fucking much of a liability.

posted 08-31-2001 08:43         

On a more serious note though, this business about "trying to make everyone around me happy" is disturbing. Perhaps you should spend some time finding out what makes YOU happy and persue that, before you get into a relationship with someone. else you will turn out to be just another care taker, THAT would be a shame.

posted 08-31-2001 09:17            

I didn't realize so many men had FEELINGS (such as Marcel and Jimbo.)

posted 08-31-2001 09:45            

Marcel - What makes me happy..? I haven't the faintest. I know I feel good when I have helped someone, and whenever someone says something nice to me [ because that's new to me ] but I'm not sure what makes me happy. Oh well. I believe I will find a girl, or a girl will find me, and make me happy.

Amazon - Hehehe :P Suprising, isn't it? :P

posted 08-31-2001 11:21            

I do believe I will change my name though. Perhaps "The Tsaddiq" or "Will of Gevurah" or "Hekhaloth Guardian" or something... something weird that only few people would understand. Oy I'm so weird!

posted 08-31-2001 12:05            

Step 2: Next time you see this bitch, tell her to fuck off if she tries to talk to you. If she doesn't, tell her to fuck off anyway.

Step 3: Realize that you are more important than 99.9% of the people you will meet. What people think just... doesn't... matter. People are idiots, you are not. A healthy 'Fuck you!' is normally the answer in awkward social situations.

posted 08-31-2001 13:50            

G O T O C O L L E G E

And everything will be answered..