posted 11-05-2001 23:27            

My girlfriend is waiting for the bus at the subway station (we call it a "Skytrain") the next thing you know, some scary white lady comes up and asks the following:

Scary White Lady: Umm, Miss? Are you an enemy of the new government?
Hussain's GF: Not to my knowledge..
SWL: Umm, do you attack other women?
HGF: I most certainly do not!
SWL: Have you ever been to Georgia? I'm with the Klan there, you should come some time.
HGF: *shocked silence*
SWL: Got a smoke?
HGF: Ummm, no, i don't smoke.
SWL: Gosh... I sure do wish i had 3 dollars!
HGF: *discreetly runs on bus*

In short, the idiots have made it north. Run far, run fast.

Edit: spelling gnomes.

posted 11-06-2001 00:50            

It was evening, dark, and I was walking to a friends house, who lived in the neighborhood. It was about a 5 minute walk or so. About halfway, a older black guy (I'd guess somewhere between 40 and 50 or so) on a bicycle stops in front of me and grabs the front of my jacket and demands my money.
me: Sorry sir, I don't have any money on me. (I lied: I had about $10 one me, but I didn't want to give it up. Strange, I'm NOT the hero type, and I'm sure my mom or dad would have given me $10 if I was robbed.)
robber: You sure boy?
me: yeah.
robber: (slowly releasing his grip on my jacket) Hmm.. Oh well. I'm kinda in a jam, and I really need the money.
me: yeah I know the feeling (saying anything to get that guy to leave, trying not to sounds panicky. I was very scared at that point.)
He released me and biked away at a relaxed pace. At that point I ran as fast as I could to my friends house and called the cops from there. I was shaking all over.

posted 11-06-2001 11:13            

SO this guy I work with, was walking to work about 2 months ago. And to set the tone, let me tell you he is a really tall skinny geeky looking type guy. AND, he lives in a shiity neighborhood in SOMA (San Francisco).

He was walking through the groups of homeless/crackhead/wino's that litter the sidewalks in that area when one guy decided to brighten his day.

The guy started walking backwards in front of my friend and gave him a really crazy look and said "DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS???"

And my friend is all releived, cuz the guy seems to be totally insane, but he just wants to nkow the time, no problem. So he says: "It's about 9 o'clock buddy."

and the guy says, "NOPE, IT'S MOTHERFUCKING WHITE-BOY TIME!!!!!!!"

At which my friend got the hell out of there.

posted 11-06-2001 12:02            

im home alone, in a really really nice subdivision (where my mom /step dad lives) and i hear a knock at the door

i see some black guy there, thinking its fedx or someting

i open door,
crazy lookin' fellow
hes like "Hi I was recently a crack head, but im off that now man, im off that" and tried selling me magazinse

I would holding the door open, and he was like "look at this" and handed me a listing / sheet wiht the magazines he offered on it.

i had no interest and was kind of scared, but even mroe scared when i kinda got sick of holding the door open, and he saw , and was like "here let me hold the door open for you, or better yet, why dont' you just let me step inside for a few minutes?"

right there i got scared as fuck and was like "no thank you" slammed the door and locked it

posted 11-06-2001 12:49            

quote:

---

Originally posted by xclusive069:
right there i got scared as fuck and was like "no thank you" slammed the door and locked it

---

And then the Jehovah's Witlessess came... and you were really afeared.
[This message has been edited by Amazon because she was busy beating up a man (edited 11-06-2001).]

posted 11-06-2001 13:05         

quote:

---

Originally posted by xclusive069:
only scary thing tahts really ever happened to me is this

im home alone, in a really really nice subdivision (where my mom /step dad lives) and i hear a knock at the door

i see some black guy there, thinking its fedx or someting

i open door,
crazy lookin' fellow
hes like "Hi I was recently a crack head, but im off that now man, im off that" and tried selling me magazinse

---

posted 11-06-2001 13:11            

he was totally fucke up looking, and in ragg'dy clothes, nota tie and all that shit....
and he was all trying to force his way into the house, like

kinda motioning towards coming inside

posted 11-06-2001 14:52           

quote:

---

im home alone, in a really really nice subdivision

i see some black guy there, thinking its fedx or someting

i open door,
crazy lookin' fellow
hes like "Hi I was recently a crack head, but im off that now man, im off that" but as yuo all know them are borne crack babeeesss;;;;;;;;....

and tried selling me magazinse. I new smoethng was rong cuz he didn't adress me as "masta".

I would holding the door open (which we no is suposed to bes his job), and he was like "look at this" and handed me a listing / sheet wiht the magazines he offered on it. Cud yuo imagine the whorror that a black man was in this neighborhud? wIth PapeR? ..;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

ggghheeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

i had no interest and was kind of scared, but even mroe scared when i kinda got sick of holding the door open, and I sed "Hey darkkkee hoLd the dOor my aRm is tirreeedd.. tHe life of teh whitee rich is hayrd" and he saw , and was like "here let me hold the door open for you, or better yet, why dont' you just let me step inside for a few minutes?"

right there i got scared as fuck cuz yuo no theyee are suposed to useee the back d00r;;;;;;;;;; ///and was like "no thank you" slammed the door and locked it then caled teh poilce who werhe their in 30 seconds,,,,,,, w000tt,,,

Tehn eye watcheed tme beat him form my windoa...;;,,,,,

---

posted 11-07-2001 11:48            

I invite them in, listen to them talk for about two or three minutes and then I say "Uh-huh... tell me have you heard the good news about Amway?"

posted 11-07-2001 17:28            

I just recently found out how much greek mythology I've forgotten since I last studied it in high school.

posted 11-07-2001 22:42            

There was a section on Native American origin myths and legends that was very... different too if I recall.

posted 11-07-2001 22:45         

The beast approached. I had no choice but to lock eyes and show no fear.

"What's yur naaame?" the man-child drooled.

"Alex," I said.

"Huh huuh."

(Alex no response)

"Huh huh huh."

(Alex no response)

"Huhh huh."

"What's so funny?" I said.

"Huh ugh they musta made fun uh you when you was yunger."

"Why is that?"

"'Cause, yuh know, 'Alex' kinda sound like 'Ah lahk sex' (I like sex).

At that point I simply walked away quickly; nothing left to say. And I stood stoic and waited for the train, and it was all I could do to stop myself from walking back to Billy Bob and kicked the bastard in the nuts for all he was worth.