Unlimited most embarassing sex story thread

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Author	Topic: Unlimited most embarassing sex story thread
Smear unregistered	posted 11-16-2001 08:29 I was desperate for sex about a year ago and called up a hooker from exotics.com. I arranged to meet her at her apt about 15 miles from my office. upon getting to her house, I saw that she was very homley but I was horny and needed a female to extract the cum out of me. I sat on her white couch, and let her suck me off (I ended up having to jack off onto her because her technique was so bad). Well because it took so long, and her cheap apt didn't have AC I was sweating pretty badly. after I squeezed out the last bit of cum, I stood up and noticed I left a brown streak on her white sofa. She was not happy. She kept sayin' "thats chit on my sova" (she was puerto rican or some thing). Then she wanted an extra $20 for the couch. I was pretty embarrased, but not in the mood to give her any more $$$$ IP: Logged
jumper42 Frat Troll	posted 11-16-2001 15:42 EOD is that you? IP: Logged
Amazon Anal Amazon, Assaulter of Men	posted 11-16-2001 15:43 Ya know, if you lghtly wet the toilet paper, you get the area clean better... Just a suggestion. IP: Logged
Clme cake fiend	posted 11-16-2001 15:45 ...and what is the best way to "wet" the toilet paper? I guess the moral of the story is always carry baby wipes? IP: Logged
eod TREAT MERIGHT!	posted 11-16-2001 16:05 Haha, I've wondered if people dunk it in the toliet bowl.. or if they run out of the stall and wet down some paper in the sink. IP: Logged
jumper42 Frat Troll	posted 11-16-2001 16:26 quote: Originally posted by Amazon: Ya know, if you lghtly wet the toilet paper, you get the area clean better... Just a suggestion. i am taking that this bit of info was in martha stewart's latest magazine. IP: Logged
Amazon Anal Amazon, Assaulter of Men	posted 11-17-2001 14:22 No, no, no... Us rednecks that were born and raised in Cincinnati are taught that, doncha know. Martha Stewart is the Antichrist! And I MEANT that when you are at home you can wet the paper in the SINK, fer cryin' out loud. IP: Logged
LaMFear Dutch Pen - Cock sucking champ of 1999	posted 11-17-2001 14:54 An embarassing sex story: FaRaN and I were roommates. We each had a room in the same loft. I had a phone in my room, FaRaN didn't. One afternoon, I was having h0t sexx0r with my girlfriend when the phone rang. Now, either we were being very quiet, or FaRaN was temporaily deaf, but all of a sudden FaRaN, not knowing we were there, stormed into my room to pick up the phone. Time stood still. We looked at FaRaN, and FaRaN, his face a complete blank, looked at us. The seconds went by, and he just stood there, frozen, and we just lay there, frozen. After what seemed like an hour he ran downstairs to pick up the phone in the kitchen. Later he told me that while he was standing there all he could of was "Pick up the phone or leave? Pick up the phone or leave?" The same thing almost happend a few weeks later, but I had locked the door this time. So after the phone rang a few times we heard FaRaN slamming full-force into my door. IP: Logged
Jimbo 1 dr3w j00 4 p1ggy!	posted 11-17-2001 16:41 Hahaha! That's awesome. IP: Logged
Jimbo 1 dr3w j00 4 p1ggy!	posted 11-17-2001 17:32 Okay, I never got busted visually, but... The first time I ever took a girl home to meet my parents (come to think of it, the only time), we retired to my bedroom to unpack our stuff, and, well, got kinda randy. The interior construction of the house was one of those every-expense-spared types when it came to sound-deadening - ie, no insulation in the interior walls, and those super-cheesy air-core plywood doors that were so light you couldn't even slam them because the air pressure would keep them from so much as shutting if you took your hands off 'em. I should also mention that, from the living room / dining room, a short (six foot) hallway led to the bathroom at the end, with my room off the left wall - approximately 15 feet TOTAL from the dining room table. Well anyway, so here's me and Jen, who I was sorta-engaged to (did wind up marrying her, in fact - whoops), in the bedroom. Hadn't met my folks yet, they were down the street at a friend's house when we showed up, so... :: cue pr0n soundtrack here :: She got LOUD. Oh my fucking GOD she got loud - and worse yet, I heard the door open and voices and footsteps come in the house while we were in the midst of the act. I did everything I could to shush her, but it did no good whatsoEVER - she was having a great time, and by god everybody in the zip code was apparently destined to know about it. I seriously thought about quitting just to get her to shut up, but, heh... yeah, like that was gonna happen. So the hell with it, on we went, and I was quiet as a mouse and I still tried a "shhh!" "shhh!" every now and then, but she was having none of it, and there you were... So eventually, we're done, and we pull our clothes back on, and smooth our hair a bit, and open the door - and there are both of my stepsisters, sitting at the dining room table about 15 feet away, giving the both of us the most ungodly fish-eyed cold-blooded stares you ever saw in your LIFE. If I never have to go through an experience as weird as introducing my almost-fiancee to the two stepsisters that hate me right after they listen to her have several deafening orgasms from a few feet away, it'll be too damn soon. IP: Logged
mk unregistered	posted 11-17-2001 22:03 Oh wow. The first time I actually make it over to penIs, I get to see Jimbo actually using the word, "randy." Why the fuck do people name their kids that, anyway? You might as well name your kid Horny. IP: Logged
Amazon Anal Amazon, Assaulter of Men	posted 11-18-2001 07:05 I have a visual "caught" story. My then boyfriend Tom and I were in the bedoom, being quiet. I was riding the hrsey, so to speak, when my brother walks in. He just stood there for a few seconds while Tom and I looked at Derrick. Derrick seemed stunned, like he didn't know what he was looking at. Then he covered his eyes and said, "DOH!" and shut the oor. Another time, Tom and I were alone in my living room, so I kneeled before him and "worshipped" at the altar. Wouldn't you know my MOM walked in!?!?! Tom crushed me to himself and wouldn't let me up. Mom walked into the bedroom, got something, walked back out the door and "See you guys later." OMFG! Here's another story that might be sensitive to the guys... it was nothing really embarrassing... Tom and I were getting hot and heavy when I SNEEZED. Ever have this happen, guys? When a woman sneezes, vaginal muscles contract HARD. Tom said it was like putting his PenIs in a vise grip! OUCH! I'm glad I wasn't on the recieving end of that. IP: Logged
LonMabonJovi Member with a member bigger than the member with a member	posted 11-18-2001 09:51 vice grips = good mudpuddles = bad that will be all IP: Logged
Dave unregistered	posted 11-18-2001 09:52 had a girl sneaked into the 'rents house and she was very very very very kinky and more important, very very very very quiet. so she tells me 'tie me up and fuck me in the ass'. OK. so i tie her up and fuck her in the ass. take off the condom and drop it to floor and untie her and we clean up and i drive her home and end up staying out with friends until roughly 10 a.m. the next morning. During my teens, i was an especially messy child, so my step-mom had gone into my room and cleaned up all my dirty clothes and stuff...and the condom. she's never said anything about it, but i know she knows and she knows that i know she knows and it still wigs me out sometimes. IP: Logged
Jimbo 1 dr3w j00 4 p1ggy!	posted 11-18-2001 10:07 ... and the condom had shit on it. Nice. IP: Logged
Vehementi Neophyte Pen	posted 11-18-2001 13:08 quote: Originally posted by Jimbo: *... and* the condom had shit on it. Nice.** cringe -V IP: Logged
Dave unregistered	posted 11-18-2001 14:42 quote: Originally posted by Jimbo: *... and* the condom had shit on it. Nice.** yes, it did. i've got to figure that she's thinking one of 3 things: a) i sneaked the girl in and fucked her or b) i'm getting fucked by my friends (unlikely, but it's not like she and i are best of friends,) or c) i'm sticking things wrapped in condoms up my ass. (see also parenthesis w/r/t (b). ) i was really quite vexed as to how to handle this (remember, happened when i was 17-ish,) and i couldn't really just come out and say "so i've been sneaking this gothic slut into the house and tying her up and fucking her in the ass, that's where the shit stained condom came from." after a few days of just anxiety on my end, i just decided to pretend like nothing happened and it was perfectly normal for there to be used, shit-covered condoms on my bedroom floor now and again. and so has she. and so the peace is kept. IP: Logged
Jimbo 1 dr3w j00 4 p1ggy!	posted 11-18-2001 15:10 You forgot the possibility that she thinks you're sneaking boys in there and fucking them in the ass. IP: Logged
FaRaN Member with a member bigger than the member with a member	posted 11-19-2001 01:18 An embarassing sex story: Lamfear and I were roommates. We each had a room in the same loft. Lamfear had a phone in his room, I didn't. One afternoon, I was downloading some pr0n when the phone rang. Now, I was temporaily deaf from jerking off, not knowing they were there, I stormed into Lamfear's room to pick up the phone. Time stood still. I looked at 2 piled persons and they, their faces in a terrifying scare, looked at me. The seconds went by, and they just lay there, frozen, and I stood there, frozen. After what seemed like an hour I ran downstairs to pick up the phone in the kitchen. Later I told Lamfear that while I was standing there all I could think of was "Pick up the phone or leave? Pick up the phone or leave?" The same thing almost happend a few weeks later, but they had locked the door this time. So after the phone rang a few times I slammed full-force into their door. IP: Logged
Clme cake fiend	posted 11-19-2001 01:20 Holy shit... their stories are consistant! Deja Vu and all that IP: Logged
LaMFear Dutch Pen - Cock sucking champ of 1999	posted 11-19-2001 02:25 Hahaha IP: Logged
Amazon Anal Amazon, Assaulter of Men	posted 11-19-2001 05:31 quote: Originally posted by Jimbo: *... and* the condom had shit on it. Nice.** If this is true, then the girl wasn't a clean kind of person. There is no poo in the rectum unless she feels she must go poo, and I don't care how big a man SAYS he is, he cannot reach where the poo is stored. 'Nuff said, but not that I have any experince in that or anything. (Yeah, that's it.) IP: Logged
Clme cake fiend	posted 11-19-2001 16:11 quote: Originally posted by Amazon: If this is true, then the girl wasn't a clean kind of person. You know... I think she's right. After all... when was the last time that you have seen a movie where the man pulls out full of shit? -Chris IP: Logged
OZ unregistered	posted 11-19-2001 16:48 I always figgered that anal porn sluts douched their assholes out before those scenes. I've never put anything in there (it's dirty)- so is this a fact? Is the poo all just gone from the area? We need scientific proof on this one. If it's true, my GF is getting poked in the ass real soon. Please help. IP: Logged
Clme cake fiend	posted 11-19-2001 17:04 naw... if they douched their asses someone would have videos of it available I'm 90% sure... unless someone is ill or trying then there shouldn't be visible shitte marks on your cack. But if you're not using a condom you will probably want to wash before doing it vaginally afterwords Dont want her to get yeast infections or something. IP: Logged

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