MAN I have to SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Author	Topic: MAN I have to SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xclusive069 drooling cretin	posted 01-16-2002 16:34 ok well i have to shit really really bad but im too addicted to the computer just wondering, (seriuosly) ahve any of you ever found yourself in need of a shit,, but your doings omething online, reading something , etc trying to FINISH something b4 you take your shit? so you sit there squeeming in your cahir, pinching your cheeks together(currently doing this right now) but in the end its all good the longer you let it sit there and decay,, the QUICKER it comes out its so great in a few secondosnos when i get up ill run to the shitter and shit, and itll come out QUICK AND CLEAN, no sitting there conspipated.... 5second shit,,,,tahts all itll take me ok im gong now IP: Logged
xclusive069 drooling cretin	posted 01-16-2002 16:40 hmmm first load went out quick then a fucking that was lag'n tried making a run for it which caused the delay wireless headphones + palm pilot = = good time on toilet IP: Logged
zippy Member with a member bigger than the member with a member	posted 01-16-2002 21:21 should we start a thread to report our daily shittings? is there a demand for this? IP: Logged
xclusive069 drooling cretin	posted 01-16-2002 21:22 i was actually posting on how to go about taking a nice, clean shit...so you won't get stuck on the toilet for 20min. information is what im all about IP: Logged
zippy Member with a member bigger than the member with a member	posted 01-16-2002 21:42 i find that "bearing down" and squeezing generally helps the shit come out faster. i havent taken a 20 minute dump since i stopped taking books into the bathroom. the problem with reading in the bathroom is that if you're sitting there for long enough, you legs tend to fall asleep and get numb. once, i couldnt feel my feet at all, let alone have any muscle control down there, so when i tried to get up a bit to wipe, i feel forward and hit the wall with my head IP: Logged
Dave Almighty lord of relevant links	posted 01-17-2002 04:49 quote: Originally posted by zippy: once, i couldnt feel my feet at all, let alone have any muscle control down there, so when i tried to get up a bit to wipe, i feel forward and hit the wall with my head what, you couldn't use your hands and arms to brace yourself against the wall? that's like common sense, zippy: "use arms to brace against and deflect impact". i thought that was one of those things that was like breathing -- hardwired into the base of the brain. ------------------ "I steal teeth from kittens to make necklaces for Satan." IP: Logged
marcel Member with a member bigger than the member with a member	posted 01-17-2002 10:13 quote: Originally posted by zippy: the problem with reading in the bathroom is that if you're sitting there for long enough, you legs tend to fall asleep and get numb. This also causes �roids. Of course the doctor didn't tell me until AFTER the 'roid operation. I'll spare you the details. IP: Logged
oneitnsloth Member with a member bigger than the member with a member	posted 01-21-2002 01:00 okay...time for a little bit of what i like to call too much information: so i used to get constipated...really constipated. i'd be all blocked up for months at a time. folks tried everything, and i mean EVERYTHING. at one point they forced me to drink sour kraut juice. prun juice...at once point i had to go to the doctor to have my bum xrayed. boy was that fun, i had to have a barrium enema...yick, well the nurse was sorry she stood so close to me...sprayed shit all over her. she didn't seem to mind though. i think the longest i ever went without taking a shit was maybe 2 months. i still think there's some in there from way back when. i still don't like sour kraut. ------------------ "everywhere, it's been the same, like i'm outside in the rain...cards for sorrow, cards for pain." IP: Logged
InThrees Member with a member bigger than the member with a member	posted 01-21-2002 10:38 Have you tried high fiber foods and coffee? Pretty lethal combination for most of the population. Stay away from cheese and stuff like that. And on another note, remember the old Colon-O's parody commercial from SNL? It wasn't called Colon-O's, but it was something like that. "You'd have to eat 30,000 bowls of Total to get the fiber in just ONE bowl of Colon-O's!" -3 IP: Logged
zippy Member with a member bigger than the member with a member	posted 01-21-2002 11:30 dave, use your head here, man. if you're wiping your ass with some TP and you start falling forward because you cant feel your legs, are you really going to whip your hands out and hold them in front of your head, thereby risking that you forgot to drop the dirty TP beforehand? i dont think so. IP: Logged
oneitnsloth Member with a member bigger than the member with a member	posted 01-21-2002 12:18 threes- i don't really have that problem anymore...i don't know why i ever had it in the first place...the docs couldn't figure it out...i guess i didn't really "want" to shit.... the cereal was called colon blow ------------------ "everywhere, it's been the same, like i'm outside in the rain...cards for sorrow, cards for pain." IP: Logged
eod TREAT MERIGHT!	posted 01-21-2002 12:33 quote: Originally posted by Dave: what, you couldn't use your hands and arms to brace yourself against the wall? that's like common sense, zippy: "use arms to brace against and deflect impact". i thought that was one of those things that was like breathing -- hardwired into the base of the brain. We all know that Zippy doesn't shit into a toliet but into small sand castle molds in his bedroom as he works on completeing the worlds largest great wall of shit. IP: Logged
zippy Member with a member bigger than the member with a member	posted 01-21-2002 12:52 fuck you eod! i told you that had to stay a secret? good lord man, what's the matter with you? do you have any idea of how many multi-million dollar corporations there are out there that would just love to devote their entire budgets to beating me to the record? fuck fuck fuck. now i'll just have to work harder and double my shit output per day. where the hell did i put my ex-lax? IP: Logged
Bad Mr. Spinch Member with a member	posted 01-22-2002 01:15 Damn... it sounds like a convention of 80 year olds in here. ------------------ The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. -Frank Zappa IP: Logged
Dave Almighty lord of relevant links	posted 01-22-2002 13:26 Have you seen pictures of my grandchildren? IP: Logged
InThrees Member with a member bigger than the member with a member	posted 01-22-2002 14:02 Haha sloth, good link there. =p Yeah, that's what I was thinking of. Zippy, I bet you could complete your secret project faster if you used elmer's glue on your cereal instead of milk. -3 IP: Logged
xclusive069 drooling cretin	posted 01-22-2002 17:16 taking another shit now doing my usual ritual by sitting on the computer chair, reading, squirming until im about toexplode then run into the bathroom, take off pants and start shitting while my ass is 1/2 from the toilet seat,,, spppLLOOooooOOOOooOOOSh is wahts about to happen yes wait ,,, what was that IP: Logged
oneitnsloth Member with a member bigger than the member with a member	posted 01-22-2002 17:22 well, now that i'm back at school where they put laxatices in the food all my shit is kinda...not very firm...i feel all squooshy inside all the time and it generally sucks. but damn does my shit come out fast! ------------------ "everywhere, it's been the same, like i'm outside in the rain...cards for sorrow, cards for pain." IP: Logged
xclusive069 drooling cretin	posted 01-22-2002 17:27 fucking a that turd didn't come out as planned i hate that oh well, good reading material on the pot always helps, but not always. AvantGo on the handspring visor is a must,,, and wireless headphones help,,, fucking a i hate those backdoor turds that think they can slip out early when you weren't prepared fuk you now i prlly have a brown spot on my undies IP: Logged
jumper42 Frat Troll	posted 01-22-2002 19:41 man i just cant get enough of this thread. IP: Logged

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