posted 02-17-2002 05:43            

I would like to tell you all a story:

This is the story of a young man. His name is "MrSelfDestruct" (from here on MSD). He is a college graduate that has moved back home for a short period of time while he seeks employment. He is also getting ready for impending doom marriage to his college sweetheart.

MSD's parents believe that he has a problem. What is this problem, do you ask? Why... software pirating. They also believe that he is destroying his mind and their reputation, with porn from the internet.

What, praytell, was he dowloading that made the great Mom-Beast worry so about pirating? Why... Linux(Mandrake) to be exact. Yes. Our own, dear, MrSelfDestruct was pirating Linux. FOR SHAME MAN! HOW COULD YOU? HAVE YOU NO SCRUPLES?!

He pleaded and pleaded, and insisted that he could NOT be pirating Linux, as it had no cost. This only angered the great Mom-Beast further. How DARE MSD load an Operating System that had no cost? What good could it be? What would the neighbours think? Why doesn't everyone use it if its so good?

He meekly escaped the claws of the great Mom beast by promising never to do such a thing again. He was not, however, wearing his special +5 ring-of-non-grounding that day.

Oh but it does not stop there... Not in the least. You see, even though MSD is now 22 years old, and has built his own computer, his parents still feel that they are responsible for his internet browsing habits. Yes. They frequently check the history and the Internet Explorer bookmarks on all the computers in their house. He had to spend hours explaining why such names as penismightier and amazonbitch.org were in his histories. He almost got the dreaded "MSD...are you gay?" talk.

Outside sources confirm that had the "are you gay" talk taken place he would have been immediately tied up and driven to a pastor's house for an emergency family religious council. Those outside sources are also laughing their asses off.

But WHY do his parents care so about his internet browsing habits? It seems that several years ago one of MSD's sisters was caught downloading an anime movie, and upon further inspection of the histories they found that MSD had been on a PORN site SEVERAL MONTHS BEFORE!!!!

What would the neighbours thinK? Their children finding PORN on the internet? How could such a thing happen? AND ON AOL BESIDES! This would never do.

The problems were only exacerbated as the family finally upgraded to broadband this year. No more would using "Netscape" fool the great Mom-beast. She became more and more wiley in her attempts to find out what horrible things her son was doing to ruin her fine name in the community... What if the neighbours, instead of commenting on her brand new Volvo, instead commented on the horrendous actions of her son?

"My GOD!" she must be thinking... "I BET he MASTURBATES while thinking of INTERNET PORN too!".

This story is real.

Only screen-names were used in order to make the story seem more funny.
This my friends, is daily life in the Yuppie-WASP-Zone.

*evil cackles*

posted 02-17-2002 06:18            

OH MAN

posted 02-17-2002 11:18            

When the caller id isn't working and you accidentally answer when they call, laugh at them when they ask why you don't visit or care anymore.

posted 02-17-2002 11:31            

that should at least confuse the mombeast.

posted 02-17-2002 14:35            

He could, of course, just install Opera somewhere and use it for the gnasty part of his day (and make sure to use IE or Netscape for lots of visits to www.christianlove.com, so she'll know he's not gay).

But all in all, I think the whole get job, move out, don't look back option sounds like it would be a LOT fucking healthier.

(out, out, damned UBBcode gremlins.)

posted 02-17-2002 16:00            

On this 1gig hd with 32 megs of ram and a pre-pentium god only knows how slow processor, I installed Win98, and AOL so that I could at least have e-mail and check Pen on occasion.

Oh my GOD what a nightmare. I changed all the nicks from Bitchgoddess to my initials and tried really hard to keep pr0n off of the screen as the puter was right in the middle of the kitchen with Mom and Dad occasionally looking over my shoulder to see what was on the "intranet".

Because the thing was so incredibly slow it took forever for webpages to pop up and disappear when closed. After I got used to the incredible slowness I decided to go ahead and install ICQ, so that I could keep up with a few friends who very rarely check their e-mail and even more rarely respond to it.

Of course, I forgot to change the nick. After a lengthy conversation with a friend my Dad comes in to chat with me about how he might be able to download some golden oldies on this machine using Morpheus (3 hours for a 3 minute song, not gonna happen pops). Starts staring at the ICQ window, I realize what it says... and turn bright red. Dad, thank God, just stared for a moment seemed to consider something and said 'Well I'll let you get back to whatever it is you're doing'. And never mentioned it to Mom.

There was nothing nasty going on, just a normal comversation, however liberally littered with curse words and discussion of minor pirating. My mother is a devout Pentacostal, and cried when she found out that I am oh dear God, agnostic a few months ago. Dad isn't incredibly religious, but does like to think that his little girls are all sweetness and light.

I was really afraid of a confrontation, but I guess at least Dad realizes that I'm old enough to make my own decisions about what I read and discuss online. After I left, btw, they went ahead and bought a real computer.

Now Daddy spends all evening downloading Ray Price and Patsy Kline to his hearts content and AIM's me constantly usually when I'm in the midst of checking message boards with mad amounts of pr0n. Do you have any idea how hard it is to talk to your parent just after you've clicked on one of the links from this site or Fatwillie's board? Yikes.

*edited because I wrote a friggin book. Damn.

posted 02-17-2002 16:15            

quote:

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Originally posted by Bitchgoddess:
My mother is a devout Pentacostal, and cried when she found out that I am oh dear God, agnostic a few months ago. Dad isn't incredibly religious, but does like to think that his little girls are all sweetness and light.

...Do you have any idea how hard it is to talk to your parent just after you've clicked on one of the links from this site or Fatwillie's board? Yikes.

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Yeah... if my mom found out I wasn't devoted-psycho-Christian like she is she'd kill me. Speaking of which, apparently last time I was home I stuck lamfear's name in my rarely-used AOL profile under "marital status" and now my brother is IM'ing me wanting to know who he is. Brother knowing might equal mom knowing definitely equals VERY BAD THING. (My dad already knows and is cool with it and in fact suggested me meeting him while I was in Italy, so all good there.)

As for having "stuff" in the background while talking to a parent... yes that's happened to me several times. Luckily my dad doesn't have AIM though, so it's always my mom, and I don't say much to my mom anyway.

(edited to say as soon as I posted this my mom called and said "Soooo!! I was looking at your profile...") *cries*

posted 02-17-2002 16:52            

You'd never have had a profile like that before I spent a few hours corrupting you with the likes of ep-sample and fuckingstopalready.

posted 02-17-2002 17:49            

But when it comes to my online life... well my entire life she knows that I will never speak to her again (and that she raised an big enough asshole to stick to it) if she tries to bother me about my computer and such.

posted 02-17-2002 18:24         

quote:

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Originally posted by hussain:
good. god. man. thats horrible. i wonder if its possible to pipe the penIs through another (acceptable) domain. something i'll have to look into.

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every now and again i try to check pen from work (whenever i have acces to the work comps with internet access,) and very often can't because of the nanny software...i've asked Eod and others (clme and weis i thikn,) to see if I could surf pen via the IP or the IP changed to hex or something but there's like 15 zillion IP's and redirects from blabla and UGO, so it's basically impossible. (if it isn't i'd like to know how.)

posted 02-17-2002 18:30            

http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_refe.htm
http://webhome.idirect.com/~twessner/
http://gaylife.about.com/cs/comingout/
http://www.jackinworld.com/
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
http://www.ladyscorpion.com/articles/infusions.htm [Thanks Tylin]
http://www.commiebrit.co.uk/
http://www.nambla.de/
http://www.norml.org/
http://www.mentalhealth.com/ [Make sure you click through several entries on this one.]

I think you get the idea.

Edited to add a few more good ones:

http://www.jesusdance.com/
http://www.loompanics.com/online-store/scstore/index.html
http://www.2600.com/

posted 02-17-2002 18:43         

it is suspicious to do this I know, but it only seems to appear in the history menu as 'anonymizer.com' and looks like it doesn't list any other pages gone to through it.

is it worth 5$ a month? I have no idea. You potentially could fool her with a combination of this and 'regular' surfing so that it isn't the only page in the history folder.

other options: I'm not sure how it works with other OS's, but in 2000 you could have a different logon with a different cache/history then mommy's so that it is a lot harder for her to see your doings

Would she get pissed if you got your own POS comp for your own use, and then cleared the history all the time?

public libraries (not too good for porn tho)
Universities (okay for porn as long as you don't mind people laughing at you)

posted 02-17-2002 19:08            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dave:
every now and again i try to check pen from work (whenever i have acces to the work comps with internet access,) and very often can't because of the nanny software...i've asked Eod and others (clme and weis i thikn,) to see if I could surf pen via the IP or the IP changed to hex or something but there's like 15 zillion IP's and redirects from blabla and UGO, so it's basically impossible. (if it isn't i'd like to know how.)

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posted 02-17-2002 19:19            

however bla-bla spits it out. i'll see waht i can do about a dns redirector, either that
or get one of thise free domains, and get it to load in a frameset. get something like jesussavedmyass.com

posted 02-17-2002 20:10            

quote:

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Originally posted by Bill:
http://www.nambla.de/

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Am I the only one intensely amused by the fact that the North American Man-Boy Love Association, complete with physical address in California, decided to get a german domain?

posted 02-17-2002 22:25            

quote:

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Originally posted by fenomas:
Maybe if you spent less time pretending to be christian, your parents would know what you're into, and that it isn't so bad?

fight the F.U.D...

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posted 02-17-2002 23:25            

(This is coming from a muslim btw)

quote:

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Originally posted by upload:
some parents are kind cooky.
no offense to those of you who have cooky parents. but they are. it is ok to be cooky, plenty of parents are. I plan to be a cooky parent - I am raising my daughters as muslims because I want them covered at all times and they will go to private tutors so that they don't have interactions with boys very often. and yes, I am considering arranged marriages.
the point is parents can be a little cooky, and those of us without the cooky parentage should be happy for ourselves and sympathetic for our brethren with cooky parents.

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