1. All readers of the penismightier.com domain, which includes but is not imited to those persons whose eyes observe any portion of any web page or other document contained within the penismightier.com domain, as well as such persons who may be in the room with a monitor displaying such documents, must read this TOS in its entirity, even if this TOS is deleted from the site and no longer accessible.
B. By allowing photons generated by a light source bouncing off of any part of any document which currently or has ever resided on any webserver serving the penismightier.com domain to enter your eye sockets, you agree fully and completely to submit to all portions of this TOS, including any that may be added at any time in the future (or in the past if time machines are invented). Addendum: for the purposes of this TOS, blind people or those using the penismightier.com domain in fashions other than photonic stimulation of the optic nerve shall also be considered to fall
under the criteria of part B of the TOS)
III. You hereby absolve the staff of penismightier.com from any criminal or civil wrongdoing in any jurisdiction for any act or alleged act whatsoever, including but not limited to:
Sexual Assault, Wasting your Time, Slander, Libel, Accidental Impregnation of Mother/Daughter/Sister, Fraud, Public Lewdness or Drunkenness, General Pranksterism or Hooliganry.
four) Furthermore, you promise and signify that on each and every occasion on which you make a purchase of any drug or drug-like product or substance (for the purposes of this TOS, “drugs” shall be all mind-altering, psychoactive or hallucinogenic substances, including (but of course not
limited to) alcohol, marijuana, nicotine, caffeine, methamphetamine, methaqualone (quaaludes), lysergic acid diethylamide, psilocybin, cocaine, and No-Doz), you shall remove 10% (by weight) of the drug or drug-like product and ship it FedEx to Team Penis, PO BOX 69 Portland, OR (Team Penis is not affiliated with penismightier.com).
%. Finally, you shall swear, affirm and promise: To stand rigidly at attention and firmly grasp your genitals whenever addressed verbally by any member of the penismightier.com staff; To wear an Official Team Penis T-shirt at all times, 24 hours a day, henceforward from this day until the end of your natural life (Team Penis is not affiliated with penismightier.com); To respond to anyone who tells you, “I’m a member of ..” by interrupting, “Yes, you certainly are a member!” and laughing like an idiot; To spend one hour each day proselytizing for penismightier.com on street corners and hand out Official Team Penis leaflets to passersby; To chew with your mouth open; To yell “It’s Bacon!” at passing police cruisers; And finally to perform any sexual favor demanded by any member of the penismightier.com staff at any time, whatsoever.