Bored? Lonely? IDK ... how to enhance my social life....

So while I've been processing this new single life of mine, I'm hitting a bit of a wall. I was with my ex wife for 16 years. She was incredibly anti-social. More than an introvert, she flat out avoided social interaction. It was one of the problems I had with our relationship.

I know I'm more social but I also have this trait where I sort of take on the traits of those close to me in a way. Over the years with her, I got less and less social. Now that I'm on my own, I'm not satisfied with just sitting around the house everyday and could really use a bit more of a social outlet.

Intellectually, I know I'd be most comfortable in a group setting at first where it's sort of "forced platonic" type stuff where there's no heavy pressure on "finding a mate" so to speak. I often say I owe my sex life to the internet since 1996. In truth, that's also my social life. I have been out of the 'in person' social situation for so long and I feel really awkward about meeting new people. But... I am feeling a growing need to push past that awkwardness and broaden my social circle.

Of course, with all the lockdown, just dropping into a bar isn't going to be terribly likely for a while. Plus, I've never gone to a bar without other people who are comfortable in bars. I have some serious impostor complex in bars. I'm not a huge drinker, but I really don't know how to behave in that setting.

My comfort zone is hanging out in chat rooms that eventually turn into a few friendships and possibly even romance. Problem is, I need out of this fucking house once in a while.

I feel like I'm rambling ... and that I already know the answer, at least when lockdowns ease up a bit. Ideally, I'd go to some local concerts or something because music is big for me. It'd be cool to meet someone at a concert and see where things go. Ain't many concerts going on right now, though.

Yeah, I'm rambling. Sorry about that ... I'm not absent social interaction opportunities. They're just either far away or the local ones are all old retired woodworkers. I don't see myself encountering too many casual dating prospects in those circles. Or even just a like-minded friendship with someone at least from an era that I can relate to. Guys in their 70s aren't satisfying this particular itch.

I better shut this stream of consciousness down - i don't think I'm making any sense. If anyone actually understood all this jibberish and has any ideas or advice, I would be most appreciative.


  • Glad I actually read who posted this, because when I saw "Bored? Lonely?" my delete-the-spam finger got itchy. :-) :+1:

    Anyway, I've been married for something like 12 years and also have a 6 year old so my social life is reduced, but...

    • Tabletop gaming or RP groups? I've heard from coworkers that do that stuff that some shops and hobbyist groups are still organizing things over the web/video now.

    • Volunteer opportunities for causes you care for? At least you're guaranteed a few things in common with people there. :smile:

    • Are clans or regular parties still a thing for online games? I am so far removed from any of that I'm just not sure anymore.

    • League play for any activity where social distancing is possible? Or even Golf?

    • Card games? Low stakes poker? Bridge? Euchre? Do people under 60 play any of those anymore?

    I haven't been in a honest-to-goodness chat room for years now. But they may still exist.

  • I noticed that musical instrument stores that also give lessons often have bands their customers can join. Community colleges often do the same thing for the general public. If you are interested in music, that might be something to look at.

  • Guys in their 70s have granddaughters in their 20s. Just sayin...

  • I really should look into guitar lessons. I haven't been very good at keeping on top of playing mine very often. Lessons would help that, for sure.

    Never been much of a gamer ... but those ideas are good ones even for other types of activities. Guess I should look at seeing what other interests I've got that'd be good for socializing.

    Joshy ain't wrong ... but then if you hurt her, you get both her dad and granddad after your ass. Risky move, hmm..

  • Absent any hobbies (or a willingness to try a new one), where you could join a club or something... Clme's volunteering suggestion is a good one.

    Truth be told, I was never good at this either... at least if i wanted to meet a girl. I am an introvert, by nature, and just as happy to sit at home indulging in my hobbies or gaming. My hobbies are all predominantly sausage-fests. There was a regular Texas Hold-em night, among co-workers, for a couple years; which was good for getting out.

    Maybe, go join a bowling house league or a darts or pool league at a bar (when such things open again). Don't just go to a bar... If you're anything like me; you'll just end up on a bar stool, sipping a beer by yourself, not talking to anyone. Find something to get involved in.

    You picked a rotten time to start trying to get out... mid-pandemic.

    If you're looking for a date... on-line dating has come a long way and doesn't carry the stigma it used to. You may want to avoid the hook-up apps (coughTinder), if you're looking for some genuine company, however.

  • I'm not sure what I would do in your case. I meet a lot of adults via my kids. The common part being our kids like or tolerate each other.

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